Not Like Other Kids

Moving On

2009-06-30T21:15:00.003-05:00

Hellllooooooo!

Anyone still out there? Obviously, I haven't posted here in FOREVER (the whole birthing a baby thing got in the way, you know), but you can now find me at Navigating the Mothership. Come aboard the mothership!

My Husband...the male gymnast

2009-04-11T10:59:00.003-05:00

When I was in college, I had a thing for male gymnasts. And really, who am I kidding, I have a thing for male gymnasts even to this day. It doesn't really make sense...I mean, I'm nearly 5'9" and male gymnasts are generally 5'5" according to their driver's licenses (so you know that it's more like 5'4"). But who can explain the power of attraction? Football players? No thank you. Give me a little flippy man any day.

So imagine my delight when I discovered that Husband has some gymnast-like tendencies. The man has no flexibility and can't do flips, but he can do some other gymnast-like moves. And best of all - he's taller than me, eliminating that not-so-fresh feeling of being 5" taller than your conquest.

So now, for the first time live, here is Husband in action:

My Husband....the Gymnast from Laura on Vimeo.

Dead sexy, I say. Dead sexy.

[Husband's addendum: I remember Laura telling me about her gymnast fetish but I never really 'experienced' it until one night when we decided to have a family outing to Circus Juventas, a local Twin Cities youth circus. This performance was a bit like Cirque du Soleil only the performers were teenagers, though very talented. Anyway, after the show Laura kept talking about the main male performer's chest and abs, asking things like 'Did you see how defined that one boy's abs were and how he flipped effortlessly through those hoops?', 'Oh and did you see his shoulders when he was hoisting that girl above his head?' And the look in her eyes was lustful. OK, I am one to exaggerate a bit but I definitely got to see the gymnast fetish in full effect.]

[Wife's addendum to Husband's addendum: OMG, I'm so ashamed. But I swear that kid was at least 18. Promise I am not pervy.]

[Husband's addendum: 16, at best :) ]

Fargo On My Mind

2009-03-26T16:27:00.004-05:00

I'm worried about my hometown. If you haven't heard or seen it on the news, Fargo is in the middle of one of the worst floods it has ever experienced and the worst is yet to come. So you can understand the scope, there have been comparisons made on CNN to it possibly turning into something as devastating as Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. Now, it might not get to that point. But honestly? The predictions are really, really bad. And the water is rising ridiculously fast.

I feel so helpless. I told Husband last weekend that if I wasn't pregnant we would have spent the weekend in Fargo sandbagging. He thought I was kidding. Nope. Not so much.

I lived through one bad flood in 1997. I was 16 years old and a junior in High School. Our house was saved by the Army Corps of Engineers building an existing dike in our backyard even higher. While our house was saved, there was a whole lot of disruption in the meantime. We had to remove everything from the lower level of our split level house - furniture, carpets, even the toilet. Things were crammed on the second level and there wasn't any space. Some memories of that time:

- Driving to ballet classes a few times each week in Moorhead, which is right across the river from Fargo. As the weeks went by it became trickier to even get to Moorhead, because so many bridges were flooded over in the meantime.

-Getting to leave school to sandbag on a regular basis. This was after a winter of 10 snow days.

-Having awesome biceps at prom that year from all the sandbagging. And guess what the prom theme was? River of Dreams. I kid you not. It had been picked out months before.

-The song "Where have all the cowboys gone" by Paula Cole. Now, there is NOTHING about that song that relates to the flood, but it was on the radio all the time that spring and it imprinted.

My memories of the 1997 flood are mainly feel-good ones. It was a time that people banded together and pretty much everyone I knew came out on top (unlike what happened to so many in Grand Forks, ND). But this flood is worse than the 1997 flood as they predict the river will crest at 43 feet, which is nearly 3.5 feet higher than the crest of 39.57 in 1997. That is a lot more houses and businesses under water. There is something so eerie when you imagine a city under water.

My parents and brother may no longer live in Fargo and I might not have a lot of friends living in Fargo anymore, but there are still a lot of people I know there - friend's parents, teachers, and classmates. Keep them and my dear hometown in your thoughts, OK?

Clean Sweep

2009-03-08T09:20:00.004-05:00

So last summer, Husband and I tackled the "random room" in our house, which is essentially the room for storage, the cats' food & water, and lavatory needs of the feline variety (i.e. room containing bins of poo). You can read about the intense organization efforts of '08 here, if you are so inclined. Anyway, we got the random room sorted out as best as we possibly could and I was feeling deliciously satisfied with it.

Then Husband went to one of his rental properties and got a ton more stuff and dumped it on the floor in the random room. FURY! And also, TOMFOOLERY! I had no idea that he was planning to do that. Husband and I stacked and organized it as best we could, but it still ended up a mess.

A mess that irritated me each and every time I stepped into that room, which is often as cats have a regular tendency to eat and then poo (note: Husband has taken over poo cleaning duties due to my "delicate" state of being K.U.).

Yesterday, however, was a glory day. Husband and I made a trip to Home Depot and bought two shelving units and did some good old-fashioned organizing. We were even able to empty an additional bookshelf of Husband's books. Huzzah!

While there are 70 million ways that Husband is good for me, I know that I am good for Husband when it comes to helping him manage his "stuff". He tends to be a collector, wanting to save things just in case or for a rainy day. I am more of a purger [Husband's editorial note: Hmmmph!]. I keep sentimental things, but do not see the need to save every book I've ever encountered, old college notebooks or texts that contain information that can be quickly found with a google.

While I've helped Husband to make definite progress (i.e. Do you really need all 300 back copies of Science magazine? NO! and Do you really need to keep collecting free washers and dryers from Craigslist in the event that one might break at a property? HELL NO!), he still struggles a bit. One example would be that Husband feels the need to keep every text book he has ever owned, plus random textbooks he bought at thrift stores, PLUS my old text books that I was going to give away. And he has approximately 30 empty 2" binders. Because they were free. I will keep gently "Clean Sweep"-style counseling him. Let it go, my love, let it go.

Finally (since this is pick on Husband day) - did you know that Husband is a quarter Irish? And therefore felt it necessary to buy a gross plastic hat from the dollar bin at Target?

He apparently intends to wear it to a board meeting on St. Patrick's Day. It feels all sorts of wrong to me. Like Husband is becoming a devilish prankster and will become prone to wearing a flower that squirts water in unsuspecting faces. Or, even worse, might begin to wear a Santa Hat regularly during the Christmas Season. I'm going to keep a careful eye on him.

I was amused that the hat left a detectable ring o' green glitter 'round his shiny bald head after he took it off. Ha! Serves you right, creepy dollar bin accessory shopper.

Smart Ass

2009-03-03T21:14:00.003-06:00

Sometimes people ask how I know that my cat, Stevie, is blind.

I tell them that we realized he had a vision problem when he could no longer read the big E.

I also like to mention that we bought our cat, Midgie, to be a seeing-eye cat for Stevie.

You would be surprised how often people believe both of the above statements.

That is all.

From left to right: Toonses, Midgie, and ~~Little Orphan Annie~~ Stevie

Laura & Husband's 2006 Indian Adventure (Days 6-10)

2009-03-01T08:16:00.009-06:00

Days 6-7
Day 6 was pretty uneventful and most of it was spent preparing for the Sangeet ceremony (the one where all the relatives and close friends and the bride perform dances for an audience). Day 7 was the day of the Sangeet, which you can read about here.

Day 8
About 70 members of the wedding party traveled by train from Chennai (Madras) to Kerala, which is at the very southwest point of India. This was probably the closest we came to experiencing the real India on this trip, but even then we were traveling second class so it was hardly "rough" conditions.

The train station was very chaotic prior to boarding.

And by the time we boarded and found seats, both Husband and I were exhausted. And hungry. Someone came around offering these milky dessert bar things and while my immediate thought was "AVOID: FOOD SAFETY ISSUES PRESENT", my biological drive to eat won out. So Husband and I ate the creepy milky bar. And we totally ate them with stinky faces like these.

After our "dinner" it was time to go to bed. Here is Husband making up his lofted bed.
What you can't see in this picture is that we are lofted above the seats of four random men. As you can imagine, this did not create a situation where one can have a nice restful sleep. Being observed while you sleep = creepy.

Days 9-10
We woke up the next morning in Kerala and getting off the train turned out to be a wild experience. There was no station where we got off in Kerala. Rather, the train paused for about 2 minutes and then everyone had to jump off. Literally. Jump off the train. Elderly people, too. Suitcases were being thrown to the ground to be picked up later. Total chaotic awesomeness.

After the train we were picked up by a party bus. It seriously was a party bus. Just look at it!

Also look at the gigantic blonde in the right side of this picture. I look like a star basketball player who has not seen the sun in years.

OK, so we reached our destination, which was the Ashram of Husband's cousin's guru, Mātā Amritanandamayī Devi, also known as Amma and also known as the Hugging Saint. She is a relatively well-known guru and humanitarian. Here is an NPR interview with her from a couple years ago, if you are interested.

This is the Ashram. I wouldn't let Husband take a picture of it because there were signs posted saying that you weren't supposed to (I'm a die-hard rule follower), but another wedding guest took this photo. My rule following is not so extreme that I cannot take advantage of the pictures from rule-disobeyers. It's just how I roll, people.

The area around the Ashram was gorgeous. The ocean was just a little ways away.
Since Husband is NOT a rule follower, he went to the top of the tallest building at the Ashram and took these photos. He took one in the evening, at sunset, and others at sunrise. He was chided by someone official for taking them, but with his rule defying ways, he didn't care. I was, of course, all twitchy and nervous about it. Such is the way of a rule follower.

One thing that was not beautiful was the room we were staying in. Now please understand that we had no problem with the humble accommodations. We slept on a cot under a mosquito net (I just knew that mosquito net and spray would come in handy when I was packing!). We were lucky enough to have our own bathroom, but....well, take a look.

What you have there is an Indian toilet. Husband and I were initially thrown by the wings coming off this porcelain beauty. Then we figured out that you stand up on this toilet. The wings are foot holders. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, enlarge this photo unless you want to gag.

Also - Do you see that silver knob in the right side of the photo? That was for the shower. The shower drain is behind the toilet. That's right - you can take a shower right above the toilet. Guess who opted to wait to shower until we got to the hotel for the final celebrations? Thank god for Pond's face wipes. Quite useful for when your armpits need a sponge bath.

We spent the first day at the Ashram wandering around, sort of clueless as to what was going on as there wasn't any easy way for 70 people to communicate at a large complex. The meals were good, but again, terribly spicy. We ate them out of metal pans with our fingers and then you washed them with some sand and water. Pretty interesting. I wasn't quite sure how my system would take the water so I stuck with carbonated sodas. I drank a lot of soda. Ick.

The next day the marriage ceremony took place.

After the marriage ceremony, we all got to get a hug from the famous Hugging Saint. It was an interesting experience. You knelt in front of Amma and she held you in her bosom while she sort of laughed in a jolly voice and stroked your hair. It was comforting, in the way a pleasantly plump Grandma's tight squeeze would be comforting.

We left the Ashram that day by bus and headed to our final destination, a very posh hotel in Kerala. I was running out of room on my camera at this point so I don't have all that many photos to document it. But basically, our last couple days were a whirlwind of more parties and celebrations. From there we took a plane back to Chennai (Madras) and then later flew back home (another million hours of travel time).

My time in India was certainly not spent really learning about India and seeing what life is truly like for those living there. It was more about getting to know Husband's family and celebrating the wedding. I saw a really wealthy version of India. Someday we will go back with our little ones and get the chance to see India without the rose colored glasses, which I think will be important, both for me and my children. I have to say that I love that my children will have diverse cultural roots to explore as they grow up.

So that wraps it up for Laura & Husband's 2006 Indian Adventure. We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming. Thanks for reading!

Laura & Husband's 2006 Indian Adventure (Day 5 - Part 2)

2009-02-26T19:41:00.006-06:00

We left off in the last post with Husband and I all dressed up for that day's festivities - the Mehendi ceremony.

I was next in line to be henna'd (does henna work as a verb?) so I sat down on some pillows and three of the tiniest little ladies that I ever did see went to town on my hands.

They worked amazingly fast - less than 30 minutes to completely cover my hands. The tough part was to make sure not to smear it for the next few hours. Hoo boy does that stuff get itchy. The henna flakes off and leaves the "tattoo" in it's place.

Here is what it looks like a few hours later with the bits mostly flaked off...

and a day or so later. The color usually turns darker with time although Indian 'legend' has it that the color is an indication of how much the woman is loved by her husband/boyfriend, etc. The darker it becomes the more the woman is loved. Everyone was commenting on how dark my henna became, but I think I had a head start given my pale skin.

Some other henna hands from the Mehendi ceremony:

Oh my goodness, Husband and I were in love with this child. She was one of the sweetest little people, ever. Her name was Ara.

Once everyone was all painted, the dancing began. The women gathered in a circle and took turns dancing in the middle while others chanted. Now, I have yet to mention that Husband was serving an important role in his cousin's wedding. He wasn't merely a cousin to the family, he was a BROTHER COUSIN. You see, Husband is the last of the males to carry the family name and in his girl-dominated family he serves as a brother of sorts. So it was very important to the bride that he was up front and center in most of the activities that took place. Here is brother cousin taking his turn dancing in the circle.

And not to leave anyone out, they had me go in the circle. AWKWARD CENTRAL.

Then some couple dancing. Don't you feel socially awkward just looking at these? GAH.Now I am somewhat random when it comes to feeling awkward about dancing in public. I may have no problem going up on a stage at some dance club in a completely sober state, but I would only want to do that of my own volition. Forced dancing in the middle of a circle to Indian music is far, FAR away from my comfort zone.

This ceremony, like all the others, also featured a whole lot of food. There was a long buffet line with delicious things to choose from.

One problem that I was having was that the food was getting spicier and spicier everyday (this was not my imagination - it really was getting spicier). I had initially avoided the yogurt, or "curd" as it was called, for food safety reasons. By this point, however, I knew it was a matter of either dumping tons of curd on the food to bring the spice level down or starve. I opted for the curd and it was a life saver.

For the rest of the afternoon and evening we met with the professonal wedding choreographer to learn our dance for the Sangeet ceremony, which was going to take place in 2 days. I've already written about the Sangeet here. I like to think I made up for my awkward middle of the circle dancing with my moves at the Sangeet.

Laura & Husband's 2006 Indian Adventure (Day 5 - Part 1)

2009-02-25T19:52:00.002-06:00

[Day 5 will be broken into two parts because I have so many photos that I want to show!]

Sunday was the day of the Mehendi ceremony, which mainly revolved around the painting of henna on the bride and all the female guests. Several (and I mean several) of us piled into a car to be driven to the beach home where the ceremony would take place. There were literally about 10 of us (albeit three were children) in a small four door car. No matter, because it's really quite safe driving around in India. You know, with all the cows chillin' in the roads and lack of lanes or traffic signals. Safe driving in India means you honk your horn every two seconds. Eeeek! I am alive. That is all that matters.

So we arrive at the beach home and it's just beautiful there. There were flowers, particularly marigolds, everywhere. It made me think when the wedding planner in Monsoon Wedding was always casually munching on the marigolds. Anyway, behold the splendor:

But don't think just anyone was going to get to come to this party. Clever systems were in place to keep out the riff raff.
Husband and I arrived to the beach house early, so there was plenty of time to get ready. The bride has brought her professional make-up artist with her and he had time so he did my make-up, too. I kind of love that he is wearing 4 rings on 3 fingers. And that I'm wearing pink eye shadow and TOTALLY working it.

Husband's cousins (the bride and one of her sisters) actually work in the fashion industry so they dressed me most days. And then they generously let me keep everything, too! It was always a little scary trying on expensive clothes meant for a tinier Indian frame, but I managed to squeeze into a few things. Here is what I wore to the Mehendi ceremony.

They dressed Husband up in a traditional kurta. He's my dreamy Indian prince!

Just an aside - many of the wedding guests who were not family thought that Husband was just some American that was there. They had no idea that he was part Indian - he was just too pale for them to believe it. Of course in the US, Husband is anything but pale.

[Continued in Day 5 - Part 2]

Laura & Husband's 2006 Indian Adventure (Day 4)

2009-02-22T18:50:00.004-06:00

We woke at 8 AM on the fourth day of the trip, pretty pleased with ourselves for adjusting so nicely to the time change. Which happens to be a 12.5 hour difference. Yes, I said 12 point five. A crazy half hour time zone gets inserted into there somewhere. Bizarre.

Husband and I had another nice breakfast with delicious milky tea. The other "youngsters" (their word choice, love it!) slept in again so we had some quiet time to relax before the main event of the day - the Ganesh Pooja (also spelled Ganesh Puja). I did some googling to try to find more information about the ceremony, but I couldn't find anything definitive. I'll have to let the photos do the explaining.

Husband's cousin (the bride) and her parents sat together while this man (not sure of his title or role - I am a terrible guest in a foreign country) mixed herbs and some food and lit incense.

I think he lit incense. He may have simply burned the herbs and food. Regardless, it was all very ceremonial.

How pretty is Husband's cousin?

She wore a special stick-on nose ring for this event - just like a lee press-on nail, but for your nose!

The family gathered around during the action. Please notice the young woman on her phone in the left corner of the photo. This wasn't one isolated rude incident. EVERYONE was making and taking calls during the ceremony. I was completely flabbergasted by this. And I never use the word flabbergasted, that's how flabbergasted I was. Even the bride had her phone right with her for the whole ceremony (you can see it on the mat in front of her in the second picture in this post).

After the main part of the ceremony was finished, all the Aunties took it upon themselves to make sure I had enough to eat. They were so excited to offer me the gulab jamin (the sticky donuts in the bottom left corner of the photo below). There was also a lot of spooning things into my mouth - something about fertility. I found the whole thing sort of puzzling because, well, I was the white American girlfriend. How did they know that I wasn't just some hussy missy that Husband was dating for the short term? And this might not be P.C., but didn't they realize that the product of our offspring would(will) only be 25% Indian? I think it was wonderful that they were so accepting of me and put forth efforts to ensure a a future knocked up status, but I'd have thought that they would have really wanted Husband paired with a nice Indian girl. Just sayin'. Husband's family was quite open minded and non-traditional, which made the experience super comfortable for the both of us.

Anyway, back to the gulab jamin. These Aunties were AGGRESSIVE about getting me (and Husband to a lesser extent) to eat. "EAT, EAT, EAT!", they would shout. Or maybe they didn't shout that, but it felt like they did. It is part of the culture to be welcoming with food, but I did not like those donuts!! They tasted like flowers and were so sickly sweet. My stomach turns thinking about them now and I've had 3 years to get over it. I had to learn to physically hold my arms out in front of me to stop the Aunties from their aggressive need to feed me.

After the family had hung out for a bit, we made our way over to the groom's parent's house for a lunch. There was (again) tons of food.

I was feeling really full and slightly ill from the ceremony food, but the Aunties were all watching me to make sure I got enough food so I took a plate. Then I did something sooooo sneaky. You see, with my background working with people with eating disorders and having eaten over one hundred meals with clients, I know A LOT of tricks when it comes to making it look like you ate something when you didn't. Here I employed one that I'll call the bait and switch. I filled my plate up with food and took a couple nibbles and pushed the food around(BAIT) and then after 15 mintues or so I very casually exchanged my plate with a nearly empty plate that was left on a table (SWITCH). No one was the wiser and the Aunties got off my case, because I had eaten a nice meal. Whew.

We stayed at the groom's parent's house for a couple hours and then headed back. Husband and I crashed into a deep six hour slumber, so much for not feeling jet lagged when we woke up. We ended up missing the professional choreographer's visit, but no one seemed too concerned. Husband and I felt pretty awkward though, having slept through a good chuck of the afternoon and evening.

Not to fear - there were still places to go and people to see. We were taken to a party at a friend's house that night where there was lots of boozing (hello again, King Fisher!), dancing, and karaoke. I really heart foreign karaoke, especially the pictures that show up on the monitors.

So there you have Day 4. What a jam packed day...and things were still just warming up!

Laura & Husband's 2006 Indian Adventure (Day 3)

2009-02-17T21:16:00.006-06:00

Alrighty. So we left off yesterday with us crashing into bed after a super long flight. Let's take a look at Husband's uncle's house in India in the day light. The flowers on the front gate are in honor of the wedding. Later they rented some special lights that flashed on their house to further highlight the celebration. Husband's Indian family is Sindhi and Sindhi's traditionally have elaborate weddings, very similar to Punjabi weddings. By elaborate I mean take your average American wedding and multiply it by a week or more. Everyday was a new ceremony - it was awesome and exhausting at once. I can't imagine the stress involved in trying to coordinate it all. So anyway, that's Uncle and Auntie's House. There wasn't enough room for us there so we stayed next door.The neighbor's had graciously opened a couple rooms in their flat to the wedding party. This is apparently typical in India. If one of the neighbors has a wedding, the other neighbors make space for their guests. Can you imagine if this took place in America? Ha! I love the idea of going door to door in my townhome community, asking them to spare a room or two during a family wedding. Anyway our accommodations there were excellent - we had a large bedroom and our own bathroom. The only teeny problem was that we didn't get that you needed to flip a switch to turn on the water heater, so it was cold showers for us that first day. Easily remedied once we learned how showers worked in India.

Husband and I meandered over to Uncle & Auntie's and had breakfast, which consisted of some idlis (rice patties) that you dip in sambar (similar to a vegetable stew). I believe we also had some vada (fried potato/lentil patties). YUM. I love non-sweet breakfast food so I was all about it. Plus it wasn't too spicy for lil old Midwestern me. And I forgot to mention the milky tea. Milky tea is awesome. The tea is brewed in the milk and it is served sweetened and, let me tell you, it is delicious! I'm not much of tea fan, but I am all about milky tea.

After breakfast, Husband and I wandered around the streets near Uncle & Auntie's house for a bit as none of the other cousins were awake yet (they were quite the late sleepers). I took this picture just outside Uncle & Auntie's House. The street in the background was super busy and crowded.
Husband insisted we take a stroll down it despite the fact that (1) there were no sidewalks and little room to walk and (2) EVERYONE was staring at us. Or really, everyone was staring at me. Look! Gigantic blond! I was still too jet lagged to feel all embracey about the situation (seriously, everyone was STARING) so I bitched and moaned until Husband agreed to turn around.

We killed a bit of time by stopping to have a cold drink at a nice shop and cafe down the street.It was all very pleasant except for the fact that Husband and I were still feeling all snippy at each other over the debacle about walking in the street. Notice Husband's slightly sullen, pissy gaze. No matter, we were over it in about 3 more minutes, as is typical with our spats.

After our cafe stop, we headed back to the house where the cousins had woken and were having breakfast. Since it was actually lunch time, Auntie insisted we have lunch despite the breakfast food already in abundance on the table with servants bringing more by the second. Yes, servants. I would have loved to have more of the breakfast food, but they wouldn't allow it (seriously, it was taken away from me). Unfortunately the lunch food was super spicy so I didn't enjoy it so much. Foreshadowing for what was to come...

Finally, that night we went to the groom's family house for a rooftop deck party. This is the only picture I have of that party.
While the picture is kind of lame, notice the mix of Western and Indian clothing among the guests. I didn't expect to see as much Western clothing as I did. In fact, a lot of the clothes I brought were too conservative, which I never would have guessed would be the case.

That night we met our friend, Kingfisher. He was pretty much at every event from there on out.
That about wraps it up for Day 3. Join us tomorrow for more eating, partying, and general celebrating!

Laura & Husband's 2006 Indian Adventure (Days 1-2)

2009-02-16T20:56:00.013-06:00

No, I'm certainly not in India right now. (At nearly 27 weeks pregnant? HAY-ELL NO!). I just thought I'd get my memories of my trip to India documented now while I have the time. So let's travel back in time to late January 2006...

Husband (then Boyfriend) and I moved in together into our townhome on January 6, 2006 and left for a two week trip to India for his cousin's wedding (Husband's father is from India) on January 25, 2006. People, I do not recommend this type of action packed January. It's a little too much and might result in a dramatic pre-departure break down at work in front of other people over the change in stamp prices (not that it happened to me or anything...). Anyway, we got all of our shots and I packed a whole pharmacy of medications and we pre-paid our bills (with the wrong stamps, OMG bills won't be paid!!) and we were ready to go.

Do you know how long it takes to get from Minneapolis, Minnesota to Chennai/Madras*, India? It takes eleventy billion hours, that is how many. OK, not really, but it took about 30 hours total (between flights and lay overs) on the way there and 34 hours on the way back. Which is the same as eleventy billion.

On the plane...

Luckily, I was dressed for comfort in my J Lo-style red velour track suit from Victoria's Secret, which I affectionately call my Santa Baby. Here I am waiting at the Atlanta airport, being creepy among creepy puppet things.

Prior to leaving I had told the travel clinic doctor that I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to sleep at all on the plane (Laura + traveling = no sleep). She prescribed me Ambian, which I had never taken before. I didn't take any on the flight from Minneapolis to Atlanta, nor did I try any on the flight from Atlanta to Paris, but I gave it a whirl on the last leg of the trip (Paris to Chennai). I took one and nothing happened, so I took a second pill, as prescribed. BIG MISTAKE. I not only couldn't sleep, but I felt drunk and crazy. It was terrible. So instead of sleeping I read 2 novels, embroidered (cause I'm 90) and watched several movies. And died a little inside.

Anyway, the longest trip ever was finally over and we were picked up at the Chennai airport by one of Husband's cousins. Despite it being after midnight in Chennai, we were greeted by several relatives. We sat with one of Husband's real Auntie's (everyone is an Auntie in India, regardless of whether they are a blood relative or not) and several girl cousins as the younger generation was just coming home from the bachelorette night. I was completely loopy and delirious at this point, but trying to act normal. If you know me, you know I'd be a little awkward in this situation under normal circumstances, but in my sleep deprived state I was a mess. The only thing I remember distinctly is that everyone kept saying I look just like Husband's Mom, given the fact that we are both tall and white (hee!). That was also the first time I was introduced to gulab jamin, a sticky and sweet donut concoction that I would grow to hate. More about those later.

Finally, Husband and I were sent away to sleep (thank god!) and thus concludes the first installment of Laura & Husband's 2006 Indian Adventure.

*Chennai was formerly known as Madras. Madras was the name given to the city by the British, but this was officially changed to Chennai in 1996. Read more about it here.

Bottom Burps

2009-02-09T18:18:00.003-06:00

We were not allowed to say "fart" as children. Nope. Fart was a bad word. Instead of the normal child-friendly substitutes like toot, poof, made a stinky, or pass wind, my Mom insisted we use the term bottom burp.

BOTTOM BURP.

How, I ask you, is this less offensive than fart? Bottom burp makes you think about the fart so much more than fart itself. Your bottom...it burped. GAH.

I don't remember any incidents where I said this publicly to friends growing up, but can you imagine what would have happened at a sleepover party if I'd yelled out, "Who bottom burped?"

So there will be no use of the term bottom burp by my children. No sirree. I will break the cycle.

Our family will use a much more dignified term - trouser trumpet. Sounds so posh, doesn't it?

Husband Already Knows I Feel This Way

2009-02-08T05:48:00.008-06:00

Good Valentine's Day Present

BAD Valentine's Day Present

Jane Seymour, I simply do not get your Open Hearts Collection at Kay Jeweler's.

Please, I beg you, cease and desist with jewelry design.

Our Bollywood Moment

2009-02-04T16:36:00.006-06:00

I saw Slumdog Millionaire on Sunday. I thought it was good, perhaps not worthy of all the critical acclaim it's getting, but still enjoyable. What I really liked, though, was the Bollywood style dance number during the credits. I imagined all those people in the theater who have never experienced a Bollywood movie thinking, "WTF is happening!? I haven't seen the likes of this since those Freddy Prinze Jr. rom-coms of the late 90s". To those people I say, "Ha! You've been cultured!"

Random aside: Seriously, think about FPJ movies. They almost always have a random choreographed dance routine in the middle. Want proof? Looky here: Boys & Girls, She's All That...

Anyway, I remember my confusion at the first couple Bollywood movies I saw. I LOVED the spontaneous singing and dancing, but I didn't understand it. Especially the dancing during the weddings. Was I supposed to pretend it was normal to have your wedding party break out into choreographed dances while the other guests stand around? Well, I was cultured myself when I went to India for Husband's cousin's wedding in 2006 (Husband was "Boyfriend" back then).

Shortly after we arrived, we were asked to do a dance as a part of the Sangeet ceremony, which involved a series of dances performed by close families and friends for wedding guests. Husband's cousin had hired a professional choreographer and most of the "dancers" had been working on their routines for weeks.

Husband and I, however, didn't have weeks. We had a few days. I've always known that my years of ballet training were preparing me for something someday. I honestly had a great time with the experience, but it was a little nerve wracking. Especially since we performed for a crowd of hundreds.

I was also a little self conscious because I was dressed a wee bit slutty style (my outfit was picked out for me by Husband's cousin who works in fashion). I thought my outfit was great, but I was already self-conscious about my blond and, well, booby appearance to begin with. So I worried that the American wearing a see-through animal print halter tank with gold sequins might, you know, send the wrong message.

Husband's outfit was AWESOME. Especially the gold elf shoes.

I so wanted to show you the video clip of us dancing, but I don't have the technical skills to take it off the DVD we have. These pictures will have to suffice. What we don't have is a picture of the ending, which involved Husband hoisting me into the air and me fist pumping. How great is that!? Well, great for me. Not so great for Husband as I am a tall, sturdy 150 lb woman when not pregnant.

So there you have it. Our real-life Bollywood moment. Perhaps we will have our own Indian wedding someday ourselves and I will recruit family & friends to perform. Who's in?

I've Caught the Facebook 25 Things Virus...

2009-01-30T17:56:00.004-06:00

Taking this directly from Facebook, like the lazy poo that I am...

1. My favorite shows were on PBS growing up. I loved Ghostwriter (Alex = HOT) and Square One (remember Mathnet and the song "9,9,9"?).

2. 99% of my nightmares involve vomit. I have no time for fearing things like spiders, falling, or bad guys when there is vomit around.

3. I sing ABBA to my baby a lot. Especially the song "Fernando".

4. I could eat an entire container of Cass-Clay french onion dip everyday.

5. But if I did #4 I would have major GI issues.

6. I generally have GI issues anyway. IBS-D in the house!

7. I have a rose tattoo that resembles Yoda on my left hip.

8. I hold writing utensils gimpy. That crappy triangle thing teachers put on my pencil in elementary school did nothing to remedy the situation.

9. I have double jointed hips. Hoping that will come in handy while birthing out a baby.

10. I don't really like most movies unless they are slightly clever romantic comedies or dance movies featuring high school kids. Unfortunately, Husband LOVES all movies and wants to watch each and every one with me by his side.

11. When I want my cat Toonses to come to me I sing the song "Maria" from West Side Story and he comes running and jumps into my lap and gives my face a head butt. Seriously.

12. My favorite drink at Starbucks is grande non-fat caramel macchiato. Iced in the summer. Decaf while preggy.

13. I love blogging and would officially consider it the first hobby that I've ever stuck with.

14. I can play the piano and miss having one readily available. My Casio ain't no substitute. No way, no how.

15. I wish that adults could be in musicals and choirs and go to dances as easily as you could in high school.

16. I like my eye color and get irritated that I have gigantic pupils that cover up my lovely irises.

17. Speaking of my large pupils, I've had acquaintances tell me that they thought I was on drugs. WTF, people?! Am clearly non-druggie type.

18. I just had a really hard time spelling acquaintances.

19. My husband is my best friend.

20. Prior to my husband, I never had a true best friend. Lots of close friends, but not best friend.

21. He completes me. Ha, ha! I kid. But I am really, really, ridiculously in lurve with him.

22. I want to re-pierce my belly button after the baby despite Husband poo-pooing that idea.

23. People who sniffle irritate the hell out of me. It makes me think violent thoughts in my head.

24. I get bored at stoplights.

25. I never knew I had a bump on the right side of my nose until two years ago. And then I panicked thinking it was a cancerous growth or something. My Husband broke the news that it had been there all along. I can see it now in pictures. How awesome is it that my brain protected me from the truth until I was much more secure and self-esteemy? Good one, brain!

Can't get enough? Here are 100 more things about me that I posted last summer.

Whoop, Whoop

2009-01-29T15:51:00.007-06:00

I wish I could tell you that I've been positive and chipper this week while stuck in Texas for work, but I haven't. I've been kind of pissy, to tell you the truth. I miss my Husband. I miss my cats. I miss my bed. I miss easy access to Raisin Nut Bran.

I'm not getting anything out of this training, which I had a sneaking suspicion would happen as my job role is very different from what everyone else does. Then there is the problem of the others at the training. I've found several to be incredibly tacky. Now before you get all eye-rolly with me and call me elitist, let me give you some examples of the tacky I've encountered. I'm sure you'll find them tacky (or worse), too.

• On the second day of training I observed a man trying to hit on a newly divorced woman by telling her how he hasn't had sex with his wife in 10 years and their marriage is dead while rubbing a soothing hand on her shoulder and back (GAH). The woman got creeped out by this guy (obviously) and the next day the guy was telling people that SHE was the weird one.

• One man said he would rather "masturbate with a cactus" than sit through some of the training. He said this in front of 15 people, both men and women.

• Several people went to a strip club until 3 AM last night and a woman who went along joked today that all the guys were "taken care of".

• Upon telling one man that I was a dietitian, he said, "I'm a nutritionist, too. I took a class and got a certificate". Uh, no, dude. We are not the same thing.

• A man said he tipped his waitress $0.35 because any more would have meant that the company wouldn't pay for it. The thought that he could have ordered less food didn't occur to him, apparently.

Now of course this isn't a reflection of everyone on this trip, but the overall vibe is a rowdy drinking crowd that is wildly unprofessional. I'm sure several of the others are lovely people (and many people have been very kind to me given my big old baby belly), but I haven't had much of a chance to get to connect with them. And it's been hard to want to pursue trying to go out to eat at night with any of the nicer people as things have been happening in big groups that generally included the heavy drinkers/tacky people.

I don't know. Was it wrong of me to have decided to socially isolate myself so I could avoid the handful of losers? Am I being too judgmental? Am I just all sensitive because I'm pregnant? Are all business trips like this and I need to just get over it? Please don't tell me the answer to that last one if it's a yes. It can't possibly be yes, can it?

So this week has had a layer of creepy cast over it. I've felt creepy at the hotel, creepy taking the shuttle bus to and from class (a huge debacle in itself that involves waiting around an extra 90 minutes each day), and creepy talking to/overhearing some of the group members. Just, yuck, blegh and creepy. I can't wait to get back to Minneapolis and wash the creepy out of my hair and send him on his way.

But there have been the occasional glass half full moments. Today the temperatures are in the 50s and it feels like spring. I've been able to spend lots of time on the computer without Husband tsk-ing at me. Lots of people have wanted to ask me about my pregnancy and how I'm doing. I bought myself a mini-box of chocolates for dessert last night. I met a super cute 4-year-old named Emma and her mom in the exercise room at the hotel. And finally, if I'd never come to Texas for this business trip, I would never have had the pleasure of seeing the following sign in the hotel.

Can I get a whoop, whoop?

Perspective...Deep in the Heart of Texas

2009-01-26T19:39:00.005-06:00

Well, kids, I find myself in Dallas, Texas this evening. The Workplace Who Must Not Be Named (just like Voldemort) has sent me to a week long training deal. While I have been sort of dreading this trip for reasons I won't bore you with right now, the one thing that I was looking forward to was the warmer weather and a break from my cold weather Tourette's. Unfortunately, the high 70s Dallas enjoyed last week has turned into temperatures in the 20s and 30s with freezing rain.

It all feels very, "Et tu, Brute? Then fall, Caesar!" [Am dramatically collapsing to the ground à la Caesar-style.]

Sigh. I shouldn't be so Debbie Downer. The forecast does call for 50s and sun by Thursday. And freezing rain is perhaps still more pleasant than living in the negative temperatures for a string of days. Perspective, right?

But, meh, Texas. I'm just not feeling it, dawg (shout out to Randy!). Everything I know about Texas (which is very little) I may have learned from Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

Hmmm...Pee Wee's Big Adventure is to Texas what the movie Fargo is to North Dakota. Maybe I should give Texas a chance, after all, cause I get being misunderstood due to cinema masterpieces. And if not at least giving Texas a chance, I should embrace the thought of being fully in charge of the TV for a week while getting a break from my usual day-to-day work routine. I'm trying to be glass-half-full people. I'm really trying here. We'll see how the rest of the week plays out, shall we?

Makeup Face Party

2009-01-21T21:42:00.006-06:00

Remember when I talked about Household Tips several weeks ago? Well, the two roommates I referred to in that post came over tonight for dinner, dessert, fancy N/A cocktails and... a makeup faces party! You see, waaaaaay back in the day, circa 2000, we got really into drawing these makeup faces. What started as one joke picture quickly turned into a full production as realized how abso-freakin-lutely fun it is to use your old makeup to color. And those little roommates of mine always had heaps of old makeup to play with.

Then, sadly, we grew up and moved apart. That old makeup collection was thrown. No more makeup faces were drawn. Leaves fell from the trees and the sun withdrew behind the clouds. The rain fell and the world grew silent.

Until tonight! Makeup faces are back in the hizzouse.Some of the beauties made tonight:

And some of the crappy eyeshadows were given just one last chance to prove themselves pretty:

Triple FAIL. No eyeshadows were allowed back into the good makeup pile. That last picture of my friend Beth? That red eyeshadow just may or may not have been the red eyeshadow referred to in the Household tip post.

So now that you've seen the glory of the makeup faces, I want you to picture this...we had covered and I mean wallpapered our living room with these pictures in college. Can you imagine what went through the minds of those poor college boys coming to pick us up for dates? How much did they want to slowly back themselves right on out of our apartment and run far, far away from the madness? Heh.

Dudes, you should totally have a makeup faces party of your own. Let's make it the trendy thing to do. Why, it's economical and clearly FULL OF AWESOME.

Rachel Ray Might Be Pesky, But...

2009-01-20T21:48:00.003-06:00

She does inspire me to try new things. Tonight I made her Hungarian Hot Sausage and Lentil Stoup. Right off the bat she is irritating me with this "stoup" business. And yet, here I was making her food, while watching her on TV. Clearly I am conflicted when it comes to Ms. EVOO.

The "stoup" (GAH GAH GAH) ingredients prominently featured veggies. Which is a good thing, except...I secretly don't really like vegetables. Especially now that I'm pregnant - they are so bitter! But it's good for Baby and Husband loves vegetables, so I eat them. Am a terrible RD. Take away my credentials, I don't meet the basic RD criteria of being a veg lover.

Speaking of veggies...how scary is red chard? The veins! They course with NUTRITION.

Cook it. Cook it real good.

And it actually tasted pretty good, despite being chock full of nutrients.

Thank you (kind of) Rachel Ray. If only you weren't so pesky with your stoup-ing and EVOO-ing and giggle-snorting...

PS - I realize that I should so be talking about OUR NEW PRESIDENT (WHEE!!!!), but I am only catching up on all the inauguration coverage right now (cruel work). I'm so...content. Just so content.

Can Someone Hit Pause, Please?

2009-01-18T10:03:00.005-06:00

This introvert needs a time out, yo. Between a lot of family visiting over the past month (Husband's family in Florida, then my family was in Minneapolis, then our nephew stayed over last weekend, and finally my Dad stayed with us when he was in town for business over the past 5 days), an incredibly busy work week (11 presentations spread out over a hideous 6 day work week), and the major renovations taking place at a rental property we own, I have reached my functional capacity.

Introverts need some serious downtime in order to recharge and there has not been time for that lately. It's really starting to wear on me and I think that's why I've been especially exhausted and, um, let's call it emotionally frail these last few days.

How do I know I'm an introvert? Why, this handy Myers-Briggs personality test tells me so. [Thanks to Tess for putting this on her blog last year.]

I'm an INFJ (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging). Some of my favorite parts of the description include:

Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries.

Yes, please, with the writing job and also the quiet, private time to recharge my batteries.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population...

See! I always knew I was "different".

They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise.

It's true, I tend to have a lot going on in my head that never comes out of my mouth (which I realize sounds a little crazy-like). And this blog has left a couple people going, "Wha!? Seriously? I never knew that about you". It's not like I'm trying to be mysterious (or some might say weird with the "rich, complicated inner life"), it's more that I'm very cautious about what I reveal in any given situation. Blogging has proved interesting, because I feel a lot more comfortable putting myself out there in writing rather than verbally.

Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them.

Don't bother trying to fool me...I can see your evil shining through. Bwahahaha. But, yes, I would say that I'm pretty intuitive. Although sometimes I imagine people think hateful things about me when they probably don't. Or maybe I'm so intuitive that they are thinking hateful things, but they aren't aware of it yet. Hmmm...

This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

[Whisper voice] I see dead people.

For reals though, I really enjoyed reading more about my personality type. The INFJ is a complex, kooky bunch of traits put together. In fact, the INFJ often can appear as an extrovert, when they are really an introvert. Tricky, tricky. My personality type explains why I was good at my job in eating disorders, but why it was slowly killing me (oh god, the empathy, it was burying me alive). It also helps me explain to Husband why I shut down sometimes and want zero social contact with anyone, including him. Hopefully it will help him to see that it's not him, it's me...literally.

Husband took the test and was an ENTP (Extroverted iNtuitive Thinking Perception).

Just curious - what are you?

Dedicated to Jose C.

2009-01-16T06:36:00.013-06:00

Back when my sister and I were wee ones (aged 7 and 9), we liked to pretend we had a cooking show. Our schtick was that we were both named Bob. "Bob, pass the salt." "Sure thing, Bob." "Thanks, Bob. " Hilarious, no? Our most famous creation was our B & B cookies, which may or may not have been Betty Crocker's chocolate chip cookies. Today, in honor of the highly acclaimed, yet never filmed cooking show B & B Cooks!, I bring you Laura's internet cooking show...

Bam! Today we are going to make Tequila Lime Chicken Quesadillas with Homemade Guacamole.[I need to work on my food photography, but I swear they are delicious!]

Well kids, this recipe was dreamed up at 5 AM one morning this week when I woke up to pee and couldn't get back to sleep. I knew I wanted to cook something with tequila, since the only way I will be imbibing in any tequila these days is in the fully cooked form. Plus, I'm taking advantage of my current ability to digest wheat & dairy in my pregnant state. And voila, a meal is born.

To make this entire meal, you need the following ingredients:But that looks overwhelming, so let's just break it down. We'll start with the guacamole.

Laura's Homemade Guacamole
Ingredients:
1 Ripe Avocado
1 Clove Garlic, finely chopped
1/4 tsp Worchestershire Sauce
1/4 tsp Green Pepper Tabasco Sauce
1/4 tsp fresh Lemon or Lime Juice (fake-y lemon juice works fine, too)
Pinch salt
2-3 Grinds Black Pepper
Optional: 2 Tbsp Salsa

Method:
Take your ripe avocado and scoop out it's innards onto a cutting board. Now give it a good mash with a fork. I like to leave it a little chunky.

Move the mashed avocado to a bowl. Add the chopped garlic, Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco sauce, lemon juice, salt, and pepper. Now here is where you get a choice. You can leave your salsa in a state of pure green deliciousness, or you can add the salsa. I like to add the salsa both for flavor and because it stretches out the guacamole a little bit. More guacamole for all = WINNING MOVE.

Now you might have a moment where you get all tense about whether the bright red salsa will stir into your guacamole and still look normal. I can assure you it does. Photographic proof:

Throw some saran wrap over that guacamole and put it in the fridge for at least an hour. Otherwise you will get a strong garlic-y taste. A way around that is to first roast your garlic before adding it to your guacamole. Then it can be eaten right away.

This recipe serves 2 huge guacamole fans or 4 more modest eaters.

Now onto our main course. Bam!

Laura's Tequila Lime Chicken Quesadillas
Ingredients:
3 Limes, juiced
1/8 cup Tequila
1 tsp Green Pepper Tabasco sauce
1/2 tsp Chili Powder
4 cloves Garlic, finely chopped
1/2 pound Chicken Breast
2 Tbsp Vegetable Oil
1 Bell Pepper, diced
1 Medium Onion, diced
2 cups Mexican-style Shredded Cheese
4 Tortillas (taco sized)
Optional: Cilantro, chopped
Recommended Sides: Sour Cream, Homemade Guacamole, Chunky Salsa, Fat Free Refried Beans

We need to make the marinade first. Mix the lime juice, tequila, Tabasco sauce, chili powder, and garlic in a bowl. Cut the chicken up into bite sized pieces and add to the marinade. Place in the refrigerator for at least an hour.

When you are ready to start cooking up the quesadillas, first preheat your oven to 300°. Next, put a pan on medium heat, add the oil and get the chicken sizzling. Mmmm...smells like a fiesta already! Cook the chicken for several minutes until no longer pink inside. Remove the chicken from the pan into a bowl, leaving the remaining oil in the pan. Put the chicken aside.

Now for the onion & pepper. Throw them in the pan and and sauté away (you may need to add a smidge more oil). Cook them for 3-5 minutes over medium heat, until the veggies are soft. Remove veggies from heat.

Time to layer. Spread out two tortillas on a cookie sheet (the one I'm using is covered with foil, but only cause it is rusty and old). Put 1/2 the cheese on the two tortillas, then divide the chicken & veggies among the two tortillas. Add the rest of the cheese as a top layer. Cover with remaining tortillas.

Pop them in the over for 15-20 minutes until cheese is melted and the tortillas are starting to get a little crispy. Remove from the oven. Here is where you can add the optional cilantro - just peel back the top tortilla layer and sprinkle it in. Use a pizza cutter to cut the quesadilla into wedges. Place wedges on plate with sour cream, guacamole, and salsa. Fat free refried beans on the side are a fiber-filled and musical fruit addition. N/A or 'A' margaritas are an ideal beverage choice with this meal. Obvs.

Quesadilla recipe serves 4.

Bam!

This Post is Rated R for Language

2009-01-13T18:53:00.008-06:00

Why is it so cooooold? Seriously, people, the high was -4°F today. That was the HIGH. When the high is negative, I get surly. Like I've said before, cold weather gives me Tourette's. This condition has afflicted me for years. I don't swear out loud, but there is a wild string of cursing in my head, unprompted by any conscious thought. It goes a little something like this:

Laura steps out into the cold.
Laura's Brain: MOTHERFUCKER COLD ASS BITCHES N' HOS IT'S SO FUCKING COLD FUCKER FUCKER FUCKER McSHIT
Laura (outloud to co-worker): Brrrrr. It's so cold! I hate it.

Does this happen to anyone else? No? Oh.

Do you know who really gets on my nerves? Those contrary people who claim to like the cold on days like today. You know, they're all hearty guffaws and "I think this weather's great! This is nothing! (yuk, yuk)". I call BULLSHIT. It is one thing to enjoy cold weather climates, but when the cold weather leaves you unable to breathe and you can literally feel your boogers and eyelids freezing there is no way that you like it. And if you do? Well, then I don't like you.

Cold weather does crazy things to people. We all saw The Shining, right? Cold weather causes REDRUM, Mrs. Torrence.

It brings to mind my Junior year of high school back in Fargo. It snowed between 90-120 inches that year. 90-120 INCHES. That means 7.5-10 FEET! We had over 10 snow days (i.e. school cancellations) that year and it takes some pretty damn inclement weather to call a snow day in Fargs. None of that light dusting = 3 hour traffic jam nonsense like you folks on the East Coast experience. So there was a great deal of family time that year (big sister was away at college). Remember, this was before the days of wireless internet. Plus I grew up in one of those households with no cable or video games (the deprivation!). So we had to get all creative, but it only led to the crazy. I remember playing legos with my brother for hours. That's right, a 16-year-old girl and a 14-year-old boy played legos together for hours. REDRUM.

But cold weather isn't all bad. If there wasn't cold weather, there would be no Husband with his long underwear antics.

Overloaded Circuits

2009-01-11T19:49:00.004-06:00

I had a full fledged breakdown today. The kind where you sit on your bed sobbing and your cats sit next to you nervously while your Husband peeks his head in the door not sure what to do. What precipitated this breakdown? Oh, several things.

Thing the First: it has been a little stressful 'round the old household lately. You see, Husband (and now me, too) owns some rental property and one of the units was just vacated for the first time in 18 years. Renting a place in the winter sucks anyway, but this place was in a STATE (the tenant preferred not to have any upgrading done over the years in order to keep his rent as low as possible). We are on track for getting it fixed up and we have two great renters set to move in on January 18, but as of right now it looks like this:

So Husband has been super busy with that, and it just sucks that his winter break from classes (he is working full time and in a part time MBA program) had to be spent doing a remodel. On a more selfish level, it sucks for me because it means that nothing will get done on our own house until Spring Break. And things NEED to get done because...

Thing the Second: we are having a baby...like, SOON. I am unable to do any organizing for the baby's room until we are able to clear things out of our second bedroom...which requires the Husband. So I'm at a standstill with getting prepared until Spring Break and it's causing me stress. We did buy baby furniture today so that is a good first step, but that led me to fret over...

Thing the Third: the fact that baby furniture and remodeling is expensive. Perhaps you haven't noticed, but the economy really sucks and this seems like a less than ideal time to be popping out a wee one. Oh, we will be fine, but it is still weighing heavily on my mind these days. Especially after...

Thing the Fourth: I found out that we inadvertently overlooked paying a credit card. And not just a day or two late, we are talking about a full missed payment. This has never happened to me. Husband and I generally pride ourselves on our financial management abilities. I mean, we have monthly financial meetings on top of quarterly financial meetings. That equals 16 financial meetings a year! How the hell did we drop the ball on this one? The fault lies somewhere between not communicating on WHO would pay the bill and also the convenience/curse of online bill paying. No paper bill=lost in your email inbox. We will get it straightened out, but man, that made me feel really stupid and out of control.

So thing the fourth was the straw that broke the camel's back and sent me sobbing to my room. My pregnant brain's circuitry was overloaded and I couldn't take one more thing. Now, I realize that none of it is that big of a deal, but I'm not feeling as capable of being easy-breezy these days.

Why am I telling you all this? Not really sure, but I had to do something and wine is not an option. Husband, cats, and blogging will make it better.

Just so I don't leave you with a "Whoa, Preggy needs to chill" taste in your mouth, here are some pictures of the happier moments I had today. Interestingly, they are reminiscent of my favorite things from when I was 12, so clearly I was looking to NOT be a grown up today.

Mmmm...blue gumball from Blockbuster. Good for 5 whole chews and then BAD BAD SPIT IT OUT!

I mentioned Designer Impostors on my preggy blog the other day and I was delighted to find a whole display of them at Walgreens.

They still sell Exclamation! Who knew? And apparently it's truly a designer fragrance as it costs a full $1.50 more than the surrounding designer impostors.

Also? Malibu Musk. Tell me that you, too, remember Malibu Musk. Look at how it stands taller than it's mates, just the way my sister's Jem doll stood taller than Barbie.

Now I'm off to read Teen magazine and paint my nails with clear sparkly nail polish while listening to Paula Abdul and Debbie Gibson. Byeeeeee!

Ahoy, Matey!

2009-01-08T16:56:00.008-06:00

I'd Totally Mate 'Em List

Subtitle: Celebrities that I might have googled merely to look at their pictures (real creepy, no?).

5. Justin Timberlake. Ever since he left the boy band, my love has grown exponentially. Heart.

4. Scott Speedman. Especially as Ben in Felicity. If he dated Keri Russell in real life, then he must be good stuff.

3. Logan Echolls. But only as portrayed in Season 1 of Veronica Mars. And Logan Echolls may or may not actually be a man named Jason Dohring in real life (hello, I googled!), but I'm not interested in that guy. No, I want Logan. Hot and asshole-y. And in high school. Hmmm...[concerned face].

2. Anderson Cooper. The most unrequited of the bunch given the fact that he could never truly love me. He's also the one I've loved the longest. Bonus: Who can name at least three of the original Channel One reporters? I can!

1. Ryan Gosling. My number one. Swoon! Soooooo dreamy with his lanky ways. A touch of angst plus a drop of goodwill for the people. Delicious.

Keep Your Bits to Yourself List

Subtitle: You might love them, but I'd rather not.

5. Angelina Jolie. She bugs me. How have we all forgotten about the vial of blood?! And am I the only one who has noticed that her lips resemble testicles? Just saying.

4. Russell Crowe. He's always looks so puffy, even in Gladiator and the like. No, thank you.

3. Brad Pitt. So irritating. And he always chews with his mouth open in movies as though it adds something to the character development. I've picked up on your nuance acting, Brad Pitt, and I'm having none of it!

2. George Clooney. Yeah, yeah. He's dapper and dashing. And boring.

1. Johnny Depp. Wish I could see what y'all are seeing, but all I see is Edward Scissorhands. Very slice-y for some, yet no dicey for me.

Now, how about you?

Just Like Them Prairie Kids

2009-01-07T18:00:00.013-06:00

Lately Husband has been rationing dishes. I'm allowed one glass per day, which I am to rinse in between uses. So if I should partake in a glass of milk at breakfast, why a quick rinse will make it water ready at dinner time! Hmmm. Nice concept, Husband, except then every time I sip the water I imagine the milk residue and I want to die a little inside.

Husband will also try to sneak the dish rationing by me, such as when he will act like he wants to "share" to be all loving and cozy-cakes. But does two pieces of cheesecake on one plate with one fork really make sense for two people? NO! No, it does not because cheesecake gets all gunky on the fork and is therefore a one fork per person food. There is nothing romantic about ingesting your loved one's cheesecake residue.

Husband really pushed it to the limit the other day when we got a take-out burrito bowl from Chipotle. I left the room for just a minute and came back to find that he had put the whole burrito bowl onto one plate. We sat on the couch together and ate off ONE PLATE. He tries to act like it's normal when he knows that it is so not.

I would maybe be more willing to play along with this Little House on the Prairie style of eating (remember when Laura and Mary had to share a tin cup?) if it meant that Husband stayed on top of his dish duties. But Husband fails when it comes to regular dish doing.

And not only does he fall short when it comes to the dishes, but he is a Soaker. Do you know a Soaker? Have you ever lived with one? Perhaps you are married to one?

Soaker (n): One who puts dirty dishes to soak in a sink full of soapy water as a clever means to avoid actual dish doing. The Soaker will often try to shame you into thinking soaking makes sense by pointing out hard crusty things on dishes that come out of the dishwasher cycle that you loaded. The Soaker tends not to notice any stink emanating from the soaking situation, thus allowing the Soaker to avoid the dishes for days.

Soakers make my blood boil. Because then you not only have dirty dishes, but you have a sink full of nasty water. And it stinks! Oh, how it stinks, especially to my delicate nose which has developed super-sonic smelling during pregnancy. And guess who inevitably ends up having to be the one to reach her hand into the swamp water in order to have enough dishes for cooking?

So a passive aggressive household tip was issued after work today. That'll learn him! Husband takes biohazards very seriously being a scientist and all.

P.S. - Just so you don't think I'm a total ass for outing my Husband like this, you should know that I suck at the laundry.

Exhibit A

P.P.S. - But don't you agree being bad at the dishes is worse than being bad at laundry because of the smell?

P.P.P.S. - And I did do those stinky curry dishes myself. Grrr...Husband owes me.

Just When You Think You Know Everything About Someone...

2009-01-04T21:44:00.006-06:00

Husband and I ran about 5 million errands this weekend. I hate having to go to so many places - it cuts into my time spent sitting-on-the-couch-and-doing-nothing in a most irritating fashion. But we stimulated the economy so there's that.

Example of Economic Stimulation #1
In yet another indication of how I've reached the pinnacle of fashion during this pregnancy, I picked up my first pair of Ugg-like boots on Saturday. So nice! So woolly! I fully intend to wear them to work as though they are a normal everyday work shoe. Pregnancy = get-out-of-dress-code-free card. It also allows you to wear your puffy coat and athletic headbands on the weekends.
While I was down on the floor trying the boots on (belly gets in the way and was too lazy to search out one of those little mirror bench things), I found some pink loafers sitting on the bottom shelf for only $6.24. Size 10 feet make for some great shoe deals at Target.
Husband was a party pooper and said, "NO" to the purchase of the pink loafers. He declared them ugly. But does ugliness really apply the same way to a $6.24 pair of shoes that it would to a regularly priced pair? I think not. Cheap shoes can get away with more of the ugly. It's like a law of physics or some such.

Example of Economic Stimulation #2
IKEA! We stopped by our local Swedish Superstore to check out the cribs and also some kitchen cabinets. First, though, we fortified at the Swedish cafeteria. Why so many meatballs, IKEA? It was a little sickly, although Husband declared them delicious in the way Salisbury Steak was delicious at his public High School Cafeteria. Whatever floats your boat, Husband!

We ended up only buying two $10 lamps, but we are quite pleased with our purchase.

If only that wasn't drywall behind our bed we would be, like, so classy.

Because we were errand running, we spent a lot of time in the car this weekend. I turned on an Eminem song at one point and was astonished when Husband busted out with a full rap routine.

Seriously - it was weird. I had no idea. I don't think he'd ever really heard that song until I left a dance/exercise CD I had made in his car a few months ago. Apparently he's been listening to it over and over again. Remember - Husband is 35. 35!!

As I uploaded this video, I recalled an incident that happened in Florida last week. Husband was reunited with his 18K gold chain of decades past and I thought he was only wearing it to amuse me. Now I am wondering...
What if Husband is dreaming of a life as a famous rapper? He is a Baby Daddy now so I guess it isn't out of the question.

New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-03T08:16:00.006-06:00

This year, I will...

1. Write several times each week.

This will most easily be achieved through regular blogging, but I would like to start writing more fiction. I dream of someday being a writer and I'll only get there through actual doing, not just abstract thinking about it.

2. Exercise 5 days each week.

Any combination of aerobic, strength training, and yoga/stretching will work, but it would be ideal to do aerobic activity 5 days each week PLUS regular strength training and yoga. I feel better when I exercise and I'm a better person when I exercise (i.e. less cranky-pants). Plus there is the wee one to think of now.

What are our resolutions for this year?

How the Deal Went Down

2009-01-01T09:22:00.006-06:00

I always wanted it when I was growing up. And each time I had it, it only left me wanting more. I could never have just a little. My appetite was insatiable.

But you can't get it outside of Fargo. Or at least, so I've thought for the last 10 years that I've been living in Minneapolis. So I've been without for the most part. Oh, I've heard rumors. Someone said they thought they saw it at a party. Someone else bought some at a gas station along the highway. But it was never something I could get my hands on for myself.

Then last summer we visited Fargo for my 10 year high school reunion. And I bought so much of it. I thought it would last me until November. I think I made it until September. You'd have thought I would have given it up entirely at that point; clearly I had a problem. I can't control myself when I am around it.

Oh, but how I wanted it. I've been thinking about it ever since I ran out of my supply. So I made a few calls, just to see...could I find a dealer here in the cities?

And I found a man willing to risk it. He agreed to buy it off the truck and sell it directly to me. He wasn't allowed to have any around for others to buy, but he was willing to do it as a special favor for me. So I asked him to get me 3 of them. I took my Mom with me yesterday to pick it up in a rough part of town.

I'm almost ashamed to be telling you this. But I have to get my secret out. Otherwise it will live inside me, bringing me shame. Besides...some of you living in the cities might want to know who my dealer is so you can get some of your own.

Just what is "it"?

[Suspenseful Spacing]

Oh, Cass-Clay French Onion Dip, I wish I knew how to quit you!

2008 In Review

2008-12-30T17:01:00.016-06:00

I'm taking the lead from Linda of All & Sundry and am starting an annual end-of-the-year questionnaire.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I had unprotected sex! Happily, this is one doodle that can't be undid.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Um, I can't remember if I made any resolutions last year, so on that count there was no keeping of resolutions. I don't know if I'll make any formal resolutions for 2009. Perhaps Husband and I will sit down and write down a list of goals/resolutions for the New Year. Yes, that sounds like a good plan. I'll let you know when it gets done.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My friend Susan gave birth on December 21 to a beautiful baby girl!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Sadly, my sister's father-in-law/my brother-in-law's father passed away unexpectedly just two weeks ago.

5. What countries did you visit?
Austria and Ukraine. I tagged along with Husband's MBA class. You can read about it in my archives starting here.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A better sense of contentment when it comes to my working environment.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Friday, September 5 - Positive Pregnancy Test!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I don't know if getting pregnant is really an achievement, but that is how I want to answer this question. I think I also did a much better job with dealing with stress this past year.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Arg, I don't like thinking of personal failures. Hm. Um...I think I did a really bad job keeping in touch with my friends.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really, aside from my persistent GI troubles, a.k.a. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Pregnancy has been beneficial in that sense so I'm feeling GI-great lately. My tendency to have the problem that rhymes with gonorrhea and may or may not have a cha-cha-cha after it has all but disappeared since getting K.U.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Huh. Stumped on this question, too. This might be weird, but I am glad I bought digital pregnancy tests even though they were more expensive. If it hadn't been for those, I would have been guessing at the two pink lines for an additional week. I have no patience for that nonsense.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I'm quite fond of Barack Obama and how he handled his campaign.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
This question is depressing. Let's just go with Spencer Pratt.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage, Bills, Food, Trips.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
A positive pregnancy test! Also, going on vacations/breaks from work.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I think it's hard to pick a song to sum up the year before you've had some distance from that year. But for now I'll say Jason Mraz "I'm Yours".

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier. Probably the happiest I've ever been. Baby hormones are working in my favor.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter! I weigh more than Husband now.
c) richer or poorer? Richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Yoga and exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
First Christmas with the in-laws in Florida. We will have a second mini-Christmas on New Years Day with my family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fall in love with my Husband more every day, which is SO CHEESY. But true. Can't fight the truth. At least that's what those anti-smoking kids tell me.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
I was very obsessed with Veronica Mars last Spring. OMG, Logan is HOT.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I find that I am generally a person incapable of hate. So, no.

24. What was the best book you read?
It's hard to remember cause I read 2 million books this year. But honestly, one book that stands out as being remarkable would be Belly Laughs, Jenny McCarthy's pregnancy book. As ridiculous as that sounds, I found her book to be one of the most useful pregnancy books. She gives the down and dirty on pregnancy without harping on about what could go wrong, which I appreciate.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
My co-worker just told me about Pandora Radio. Anything to make work go faster is AWESOME.

26. What did you want and get?
To get pregnant easily.

27. What did you want and not get?
To enjoy going to work each day.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Juno.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 28 and we had a big old party at our place. And let's not forget that my birthday was all sorts of golden: 28 on 8/8/08.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
To have enjoyed my job. My goodness, I'm such a Debbie Downer when it comes to work.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Evolving. I had some cute summer clothes that have been traded for maternity winter clothes.

32. What kept you sane?
Husband.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Logan Echolls. HOT.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The election. And the right for gay marriage. I'm so frustrated at what happened in California.

35. Who did you miss?
I miss my friend Holly in China. Silly opposite time zone.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I met a co-worker who turned out to be a neighbor and we did walk/runs at 6 AM fairly regularly through the summer. Sadly, she moved and took another position so we only correspond by occasional email now. She is super fun and it's been sad not to have her at work.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
You can spend years focusing all your worry on one issue when that issue really isn't an issue at all. In other words - face what you are fearing and there might be nothing there to fear. You have no idea the amount of relief this will bring you.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
The Luckiest by Ben Folds

I am
The luckiest
I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you
Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away
I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know
That I am
The luckiest

Christmas Vacation

2008-12-25T19:46:00.003-06:00

Merry Christmas, Friends! I am writing to you from Florida where the Husband and I are visiting his parents. Here is some proof:

Husband and I are having a nice time, doing lots of lounging and eating.

Just out of curiosity, how do you all eat your grapefruit? Husband cuts it into quarters and eats it like an orange. Which seems kind of weird. But maybe it's a real manly way to eat grapefruit?

Speaking of food, nothing says Christmas quite like Dairy Queen on the beach. Mmm...full of Yuletide deliciousness. And also Heath bar pieces.

I would like to write more, but my computer is about to die so this will have to suffice for now.

Happy Holidays to all! And to all a good night.

PV=nRT

2008-12-21T21:29:00.004-06:00

One of my car tires went flat at some point this weekend while the car was sitting in the garage. So now I will need the Husband to come with me to get the tire filled (or possibly fixed if it turns out I ran over a nail or something) tomorrow morning. I could do it myself, but I get a little itchy over car things. This whole incident led Husband to give a little lecture about the importance of regularly checking the tire pressure. And to make a boring lecture downright painful, Husband brought a chemistry equation into the discussion.

Husband: You know the equation PV=nRT?
Me: Yes (already bored), Pressure times volume equals blah, blah, blah.
Husband: That's right. So if temperature goes down, then the pressure...?
Me: Goes up? (Dying of boredom already and thus not paying attention.)
Husband: No! [He begin to draw on an imaginary whiteboard.] If temperature goes down, then the pressure...
Me: Goes down! GAH!

Sometimes I fear that I may have married my father (GROSS) as this whole thing smacks of family car trips and playing Periodic Table Games. What's that? Never played Periodic Table Games with your family? It goes like this:

Papa: Who can name which element is abbreviated by Au?
Child 1: Gold!
Child 2: Atomic Number 79, Daddy!
Child 3: And a boiling point of 2807.0°C! Science is fun!

Ok, maybe it wasn't that bad, but it was weird. I think there should be a clear separation between classroom-style science and home life. Just like the separation of church and state.

Lame Post

2008-12-20T21:46:00.004-06:00

Cats + Bed Making=Fun for all

Lots of gazing at the snow falling outside today. Do you like the pink bow used to creatively hold the bedroom curtains back? Temporary solution, not a design choice. Promise.

Something else that is hopefully temporary in our bedroom. Not exactly baby friendly, is it?

Husband spilled the sparkling pomegranate apple juice tonight...and then made that face.

Veggie lasagna and garlic bread made and consumed. Is good.

See? Told you this was a lame post. Not everyday is full of Baryshnikov leaping. Just like how not everyday is Christmas.

Friday Haiku

2008-12-19T17:37:00.005-06:00

Simba, is that you?
My hair has become a mane
Time for a haircut

Baby, It's Cold Outside

2008-12-17T17:48:00.005-06:00

We've been spending a lot of time in the negative temperatures these last few days, which means one thing for the Husband and me: time to break out the long underwear.

Long underwear is a funny thing, isn't it? Right off the bat the name is gross because it includes the word underwear. Of course, "long panties" would be completely unacceptable so I guess I'll deal. I find it interesting that my long underwear, which I've owned for perhaps a decade now, still fits even in my 18 weeks pregnant state. That really says something about the special way that long underwear fits, doesn't it? And what's up with the little extras on women's long underwear? Specifically - the icky lace trim and tiny bows on the shirts. It's all very training bra.

When I was an undergraduate, I had almost all my classes with a boy I called Bio Boy. I met Bio Boy in my Biology class (shocker!) and initially had a crush on him, but that waxed and waned over the years. The kid was good looking, but so pompous. Anyway, because Bio Boy and I had all of our classes together and we were both the scholarly type, we spent a lot of time studying together at the library. One of my favorite games to play with him was to lift up my sweater sleeve in the winter and expose the lace trim on my long underwear*. Bio Boy HATED when I did this because (1) obviously it's totally creepy and (2) Bio Boy didn't know how to handle it when I was creepy.

Want to experience it for yourself? Here you go:
I don't know if you are really able to appreciate the ultra fashionable lace trim from so far away. Perhaps this will help:
You know how Justin Timberlake is a wise sage and sings about how what goes around comes around? Our boy Justin is so right. Because after all my torturing of Bio Boy, I've gone and married a man who likes to do a little prance around the room EACH AND EVERY TIME he puts on his long underwear. He will say that he is Baryshnikov as he does an arabesque. And if he is anywhere near a mirror during all of this he will take time to admire his bum.

And because Husband is such a weirdo, he agreed to share it with the world at large. Here is Husband prancing in his long underwear.

How do you feel after peeking into our little world? A little sick to your stomach and yet still wanting more? I can only hope so.

*When I asked Husband what he would think if a girl showed him her long underwear lace, he replied that he would think she wanted to sleep with him. What!? I'm pretty sure that showing your lace-trimmed wrist is no way to get a man to sleep with you. Unless it is Victorian England, which in that case it would be total slut move.

Neighborhood Watch

2008-12-15T19:21:00.004-06:00

This evening I went up to the top of the stairs to talk to Husband, who was on his computer. As I turned to head back down the stairs, I noticed that my cat, Midgie, was playing with a laser pointer beam that was dancing around on the wall.

I turned back and looked at Husband, but he was facing away from me, typing on his computer, no laser pointer in sight.

I turned back to Midgie, who continued to play with the laser pointer swirling about the wall.

WTH? And then I realized...

Someone outside the home was laser pointering with my cat!

Creeeeeepy. It was our neighbor from across the way. The same neighbor who has made comments to Husband like, "I saw Laura hit the side of the garage backing out this morning" (which he later took it upon himself to fix) or "I was looking in your window and I saw that you had two cats. I thought you only had one". Perhaps the best was when he waved Husband over to his garage to show him his special set up that helps him know where to stop when parking. That time he said, "This might work well for Laura".

This particular neighbor is a retired man who sits and observes all while his wife is busy gardening and cleaning. He really does mean well and seems to genuinely care about us. They even sent a card when they found out that I was pregnant.

Ah...neighbors. Is it weird? Yes. But it's good to know that no burglar would get very far 'round these parts what with our neighborhood watch.

Household Tips

2008-12-14T20:17:00.005-06:00

Many years ago, I lived in a tiny apartment with two tiny roommates. Seriously, that apartment was tiny (I could touch all four walls in my bedroom from my wee twin bed) and my roommates were tiny (5'0" and 5'2"). I don't think it was a place meant for anyone over 5'5". Even the shower was mysteriously tiny. And those little roommates of mine were majorly addicted to product (yes, singular) so each shower resulted in nearly 5'9" me knocking down 20 bottles of shampoo, conditioner, body scrub, face wash, etc., etc. I don't think it was a coincidence that male gymnasts lived in the downstairs apartment. Like I said, it was tiny apartments for tiny people. [Random aside: mmmm...male gymnasts.]

I'm sure many of you lived through living in small spaces with roommates during college. Of course you remember the crabby McPissy-ness that would occur on a regular basis as the result of differences in lifestyle. So that's when the term "household tip" was born. It was invented as a way to soften the blow of a bitchy, nagging type statement.

Example of using household tip in a sentence:

"Household tip: could you remember to rinse out your oatmeal bowl tomorrow morning? Because I had to wash 4 crusty ones tonight and it sucked."

Eventually household tips morphed into general advice for life.

Example of using household tip for life advice:

"Um, household tip: that red eye shadow is really not working for you."
-or-
"Household tip: that furry, tie-in-the-back tank top is maybe not the best choice for this cold winter's night."

Household tipping did occasionally get out of control.

Example of an out of control household tip:

"HOUSEHOLD TIP! YOUR DRUNKEN ANTICS AT 3 AM ARE REALLY NOT APPRECIATED WHEN I HAVE A TEST AT 8 AM. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM THAT TYPE OF BEHAVIOR IN THE FUTURE. K, THANKS!"

But really, when all was said and done, I think household tips help to add some humor to the day-to-day drudgery of dividing chores and dealing with living together.

Husband and I use household tips, even if we don't actually call them that. Luckily for Husband and I, drunken antics at 3 AM are not really a problem. But crusty oatmeal bowls? Yeah, that's a different story.

Wednesday Confessional

2008-12-10T16:59:00.004-06:00

1. I didn't wear any makeup to work on purpose yesterday. I had a meeting with my boss and, just as I hoped, she commented on how tired I looked. I feel this helps keep expectations of me low at work. Or it makes it look like I care enough about work to not take a sick day (FALSE).

2. Husband and I refer to poo-ing as taking number 19s. As in, "Don't go in the bathroom, I just took a number 19." I think it all started when someone took an especially stinky number 2.

3. I picked up my pink pashmina from the dry cleaners today. It was the first time it's been cleaned since I bought it. I bought it seven years ago.

4. And, um, ditto number 3 regarding my black wool pea coat.

To distract you from my shockingly low standards of cleanliness, here is a photo of a winter sunset. It's not blurry. Oh no, it's abstract!

5. One last confession. Here is what I wore to take the picture. Nice.

A-Courting

2008-12-08T18:07:00.008-06:00

In honor of my very first wedding anniversary, the story of how Husband and I met.

Chapter 1: In Which Pre-Husband Gets a Good Look at Laura and Deems Her Loverly
Pre-Husband was talking to a co-worker in front of the womens' restroom in the research wing of the hospital where we both worked. Husband lifts his leg to demonstrate a karate kick just as Laura walks out of the restroom. Slight awkwardness follows as Pre-Husband lowers his leg to the ground and Laura half-smiles as she moves around them.

Chapter 2: In Which We Make Conversation and Laura Deems Pre-Husband Loverly
Pre-Husband was just leaving the gym at work as Laura walked towards it.

Pre- Husband (PH): Hey!
Laura: Hey!
PH: Going to work out?
L: Yeah! Did you just work out?
PH: Yup. It's awesome having a gym at work.
L: Definitely. See you later!
PH: See you around.

Can you feel the love bud beginning to bloom??

Chapter 3: In Which Laura's Workaholic Boss Accidentally Accelerates the Relationship
Back in the fall of '04, Laura worked for a woman who believed in working. She did not believe in taking lunch breaks, bathroom breaks, any breaks of any kind or socializing with others. She did, however, support the furthering of knowledge and sent Laura to see a presentation given by Pre-Husband on Real-Time Polymerase Chain Reactions. Laura was not interested in the talk (BORING), but she was intrigued by Pre-Husband and the fact that he was wearing jeans (so against dress code!) and making himself peanut butter & jelly sandwiches with jumbo sized PB & J jars right before a presentation.

Chapter 4: In Which Laura RSVPs by Email for a Second Presentation by Pre-Husband
Pre-Husband gave a second presentation on the uber boring topic of Real-Time PCR. Laura asked her boss to attend this second presentation (with no intention of EVER using the knowledge gained) and emailed Pre-Husband to RSVP. After the presentation, Laura emailed Pre-Husband again, jokingly referring to something amusing that had happened during the presentation. Pre-Husband emailed back. Laura responded. A flurry of emails ensued.

Chapter 5: In Which Pre-Husband Asks Laura for a Date
Husband wore black J. Crew pants and a red button down shirt. Laura wore grey pants, a black va-va-voom shirt, her jean jacket, and a hot pink pashmina. They ate at a tapas bar, shared a bottle of Rioja and began to fall in love.

Chapters 6-43

Three weeks later we went on our first weekend trip.

Three months after that, Pre-Husband said "I love you" for the first time.

Three months later, we began to talk about moving in together.

Eight months after that, we did move in together.

A year later Husband proposed.

Eleven Months after that we were married.

Eight Months later I was pregnant.

Four Months later and we are the happiest we've ever been.

Epilogue
To this day Laura knows very, very little about Real Time Polymerase Chain Reactions. But she is very knowledgeable in all the ways she loves her Husband.

THE END
This picture is only 3.5 years old, but somehow we look so young here.

One Year

2008-12-06T10:05:00.002-06:00

On this Saturday last year, I married the Husband. Our wedding date is December 8, which is Monday, so we decided to celebrate today instead. Plus I'm getting my hair did this afternoon, so one must take advantage of the professional hair straightening. Want to be purdy fer ma fella.

I finally downloaded our wedding footage (thanks again, Dr. Hectic!) and put together a wee video using my new bff, iMovie. Take a look:

Our Wedding from Laura on Vimeo.
The song is "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds.

I would say something about how much I love my Husband, but it would be emotionally too much right now due to my preggo status. Just so you understand - I cried at Annie last week. Yes, Annie the orphan movie. I cry at commercials for Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I cry when I hear a song that sounds kind of pretty. I cry at the worst Christmas song ever: "Christmas Shoes" (really a poor child wants to buy his dying Mom a pair of shoes? WTH?). Anyway, being pregnant has caused some "emotional dysregulation", which is a polite way I've heard therapists refer to patients who are up and down and wildly all over the place. Long story short, if Annie pushes me over the edge, expressing how much I love my Husband is out of the question.

Writing that last sentence unleashed a sob. You see what I mean?

So for now, this must suffice: I love you, my Husband, completely and forever.

A Trilogy of Embarrassment

2008-12-03T20:57:00.006-06:00

I studied abroad in London in 2001. It was a great semester - made lifelong friends, completed an internship that was a great opportunity, and had a ton of fun.

I also managed to embarrass myself...a lot.

The worst of it was probably the weekend that a big group of us went to Wales. It was an "adventure weekend"and we did all sorts of outdoorsy activities (kayaking, hiking, and coasteering) during the day followed by cozy home cooked meals and campfires at night. It was one of the best vacations I've ever taken, to be honest. You just felt so damn good with all that outdoor air. Although I feel like the sleeping arrangements were crazy. Was it possible that there were really 20 girls in one room with bunks attached to the wall that were stacked four people high?

The group that traveled to Wales included my future study abroad boyfriend, but at the time I wasn't interested in him. Oh no. I liked the boy with the ski cap, khakis, and hooded sweatshirt. I think my crush wore that outfit every single day for the 3.5 months we were abroad. And damn, we all thought he looked hot in it. So keep in mind that all three stories I'm about to tell you took place right in front of Mr. Ski Cap.

I'm a Disaster Take 1:
A good sized group of us are sitting around a table on the first night, playing a trivia-type board game. We had a couple drinks (mmm...Strongbow), but I maintain that I was not drunk. My turn came and I got a question about the location of some country. I got the question wrong, but shrugged it off, saying, "Oh well, I'm just not good at geometry".

Geometry? Hmm...might you have meant GEOGRAPHY, you simpleton! And that wasn't the only time I made a mistake like that. I must confess that in college I would tell people that I was taking an Astrology course when really I was taking an Astronomy course. The most shocking thing? I was a freaking honors student. The standards in schools these days...

I'm a Disaster Take 2:
After one kayaking adventure, we were peeling off our wetsuits. Someone started singing "Ice Ice Baby". Always enjoying a good sing-along, I jumped in with:

Stop, gather round and listen!

My crush looked at me (I can still see his expression to this day) and said, "Um...it's not gather round. It's not a 'gather round' type of song".

Oy. Face very red. I had accidentally made Vanilla Ice's lyrics appropriate for children.

I'm a Disaster Take 3:
This one really takes the cake. We sat around a campfire one night having a good time. And even better, I was sitting next to the boy/man I was certain was my destiny (or the kind of destiny one seeks while studying abroad). I was sitting in one of those plastic outdoor chairs and was leaning back in it a bit. Suddenly the back leg snapped off and not only did I fall out, but I TUMBLED BACKWARDS DOWN A HILL. You know what makes this story even better? My friend Audrey managed to capture the moment.

Here I am, having dragged the chair back up the hill, trying to convince my crush to do the same chair shenanigans I just did in order to spread the embarrassment among the many, rather than the few (i.e. just me).
Things to notice: (1) the look of concern on the girl's face behind me, (2) the fact that I'm wearing my pajamas when others are not, (3) the fact that my hair is in that ridiculous double ponytail style made popular by Elizabeth Hasselbeck on Survivor, and (4) the unreadable look on my crush's face. Well, not entirely unreadable. It is clearly not a look of desire, no Sirree.

Can you believe this boy never fell in love with me? It baffles me to this day.

What Winter in Fargo Does to the Children

2008-12-01T19:25:00.003-06:00

One cold winter's night, many, many moons ago, two young sisters looked for a way to pass the time. The older sister was very much into high fashion and the younger lass had always been fond of playing dress up. What follows is the genius of that powerful combination. Click on the photo to experience it's full glory.

And the most stunning of them all...Full Foundation Face Meets Giant Zucchini.

This Time Last Year...

2008-11-30T17:38:00.005-06:00

This time last year the Husband and I were getting ready to go on our (nearly) two week trip to Mexico for our wedding & honeymoon. We left on Monday, December 3 and came back on Friday, December 14. I then took off a few more days to relax at home before returning to work. I dream of last year...

In honor of this, I made up some N/A Margaritas for the Husband and I.
Everything feels a little better when you are drinking from a pretty glass, no?

Am now ready to compete at 4-H

2008-11-29T10:41:00.002-06:00

People, I made a pie from scratch yesterday. I'm quite proud of myself.

If only the rest of the Thanksgiving food I made yesterday day turned out as nicely.

We had planned on doing a low-key Thanksgiving with just the two of us since my stomach has been unpredictable lately. But then I got all sickly on T-day so Husband had some leftover Chicken Tikka Masala for dinner (how festive!). I was feeling better yesterday and I get anxious about food safety (not because of being PG, more because of being an RD) so I knew it was now or never to cook the Cornish hen that was thawed in the fridge.

I made homemade mashed potatoes, homemade stuffing, homemade gravy, steamed some green beans, and roasted the Cornish hen. Oh, and I pulled the half-consumed dish of canned cranberry jelly from the fridge.

Everything somehow turned out a little messed up. The stuffing was egg-y, the potatoes were gooey, and the gravy tasted like glue. Plus the Cornish hen was far too hen-like. Full of bones and connective tissue - like an anatomy lesson on my plate. Gah. In the middle of eating the meal I had to take a break and lie on the couch away from the food because the whole thing was grossing me out too much and I wanted to avoid any more incidents. I felt a little pathetic -both in my ability to cook food and in my ability to eat food.

But I did make my own pie!

I'm thankful for my cats. Oh, and my Husband.

2008-11-27T10:02:00.006-06:00

I started hitting the hard stuff really early this morning. Like 9 AM early.
Oh, I kid. Unless you consider Sparkling Grape Juice, aka Catawba (wha???), to be hard stuff.
I was going to hold off and open the bottle with Husband later, but I needed some juice to settle my stomach and the ruby red grapefruit juice I have is just not going to cut it after the incident that occurred last night following the consumption of it's tart goodness.

So I don't think this year is going to win any awards for Best Thanksgiving. You see, I seem to have come down with a cold/sinus situation. And a cold compounded with lingering morning sickness = vomiting cold. Neat!

Here is the most Thanksgiving-y food I plan to indulge in today:

This isn't the first Thanksgiving I've been sick. I remember one year I had laryngitis and my family and our guests kept talking back to me in a whisper voice. It drove me nuts. When I encounter someone with a broken leg I don't give up the use of one of my legs in sympathy. So why lose your voice in sympathy with mine? Excessive whisper voices give me the heebie jeebies anyway.

Thanksgiving for my family was pretty low key growing up. We would watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. My sister or I would prepare the jellied cranberry sauce (Step 1: Open Can, Step 2: Let cranberry jelly wiggle out of jar without using any utensil to help it as that would mar the can markings, Step 3: Put entire can shaped cranberry jelly on plate and serve). I was in charge of napkin folding.

Laura's secret skill #2: Napkin Folding.

Lest you forgot, #1 is my flower arranging skills. I have been in charge of the napkin folding for many, many years. I even have literature to help guide me and further my skills.I often felt that the Bishop's Hat fold was a nice traditional Thanksgiving look. Simple, classic, yet powerful. Yes, a napkin can say all that.

Learning to Get Dressed...at Age 28

2008-11-23T14:03:00.006-06:00

I need your help, people. I mentioned the other day that I has a fashion faux pas: I had bought a sweater dress that turned out to not be a sweater dress after all. However, after some handy internet research, I have discovered that I was right (and Husband was WRONG) and it is a sweater dress. The problem? I don't think it looks like a sweater dress on me. Let's review:

Exhibit A: The dress on the Old Navy model.
Exhibit B: The dress on me, with essentially the same look going on (tights & boots).This was the outfit that prompted Husband to tell me that I had to change. I see his point. It's awfully short on me (thanks a lot freakishly long torso!). And maybe the dark tights aren't the right choice. And I'm 28 and not 18. There's that, too.

So I've been wearing the sweater/sweater dress with jeans.

Exhibit C: Front view in jeans.
Exhibit D: Side view in jeans.
Here is where I get all confused again. Cause that is just a bit too much sweater to be paired with jeans.

Sigh. I guess I could do leggings with it?

Exhibit E: Leggings I found mysteriously in my drawer (where did they come from??)

Anyway, I need INPUT. What should I do with this sweater/sweater dress? Does it need to be donated so that someone with an appropriately sized/shorter torso can reap it's sweater-y goodness?

Please advise, dear readers. Save me from future fashion mishaps!

Party Trick

2008-11-22T22:11:00.007-06:00

I wrote on my preggy blog today about my tattoo and the fact that I still haven't told my Mom about it, despite having been inked since '01. The tattoo is located on my left hip. It looks like this (forgive my pale and somewhat creepy looking skin). I think I asked for the rose to be pink, but I guess Javier the Tattoo Artist felt purple was the way to go. And don't think that this rose has any special meaning to me. Oh no. I just picked it off the wall while I was waiting for my turn. Good one, 21-year-old, Laura! You weren't even inebriated and you made that wise decision! My friend H. got her tongue pierced at the same time. Rebels...in an honors student kind of way.

Now I want you to take a good look at the shape of my tattoo. Does it remind you of anything? Or, perhaps I should say, anyone?

Take a long look, you must. Remind you of wise Jedi Master, it should.

Yup, I think Javier was playing a little trick on me that summer day back in 2001. Because my little rose is easily converted into: YODA.Believe you me, this little trick is a big hit at parties.

Hope the Sharpie comes off in time for my next pre-natal appointment. Otherwise: AWKWARD.

Domesticity & Hosiery

2008-11-19T21:57:00.003-06:00

WIFE MADE DINNER FOR HUSBAND
People! I actually cooked a meal on Tuesday night! This type of behavior has not been seen 'round this household since, oh, September or so. Little Gestating Fetus let up for a bit to allow me not to either gag or sleep my way through the evening. Go Little Gestating Fetus (LGF), Go!

If you are wondering just what it was that I made, I will tell you. It's a Ukranian Potato Salad (Yukon Gold Potatoes, Peas, Pickles, Fresh Dill, Mayo, Dijon and a little Pepper), Pork Tenderloin in a Djion/Soy Marinade, and Salad. I'm false advertising a bit with the salad- I didn't eat any. LGF prefers not to have anything to do with vegetables for the time being.

Have I ever discussed my love for dijon on here? Can't recall if I have, but in case I haven't: I LOVE DIJON! This is my favorite dijon. I happened upon it a couple years ago at a little gourmet deli in the neighborhood and now it's a staple. I will admit to licking it off the spoon or knife, I love it that much.

HOSIERY: FASHION THRILLS FOR THE PREGGO
We all agree that hosiery is a total gross word, right? Gross in the way that Hoosiers and hoist are gross. Anyway, now that I'm in a state of fashion awkward (too far along to comfortably and attractively wear my usual fitted clothing and not far enough along to look pregnant rather than simply a little chubby), I have turned to my socks as my focus for being fashion forward.

What have you guys been wearing with your flats now that the weather has turned cold? I was going barefoot until last week, but (1) my feet were cold and (2) my feet were stinking. It was no long term solution, I can tell you that. I headed to my local Target to remedy the situation and I came up with these beauties:
Fishnet knee highs! High glamour on a work day! Aren't they fun?

I also picked up a pair of kicky tights.
Now the last time I recall wearing tights, they were bright red and opaque and it was 1985. So this is new territory for me. What do you think? Was this the correct look (knee high black boots and black dress)? I question my fashion sense lately because I got confused about a recent sweater dress purchase. I put it on and Husband gave me a concerning look and said I needed to change. It seems that the sweater dress was not a dress at all. Whoopsie.

Any other hosiery excitement I need to know about? Bring it on, people!

Happy 35th Birthday, Husband!

2008-11-17T17:51:00.004-06:00

It's the Husband's birthday today! He is now in a new age bracket...the 35 and older bracket. I however, will remain in the young, footloose, and fancy-free under 35 age bracket for another 6 birthdays. [Random aside...when I was in 6th grade, Husband was in his Freshman year of college!] I kid, of course, about Husband being all old. I'm sure I'll look older than him in another 10 years.

We are going to go out to dinner tonight and will then have cupcakes with Husband's birthday buddy, our 8-year old nephew (Husband's sister's child). Birthday buddy because they share a birthday, of course.

And now...the first ever "craft" project on Not Like Other Kids:

Homemade I.O.U.s
Step 1: Cut construction paper into as many coupons as you are willing to give.
Step 2: Cut out the most hideous pictures you can find from a magazine. I used the always entertaining Frederick's of Hollywood Catalog (a mailing list that I will forever be on after ordering my sister these shoes for her wedding).
Step 3: Glue pictures onto paper pieces.
Step 4: Fill in coupon part taking care to ensure that the picture is an awkward match to whatever it is that you are I.O.Uing.

There you have it. Here are the ones I whipped together this evening.
My "gifts" involved things like taking over chores and letting Husband pick the movie on movie night. Which clearly match the bottoms and bosoms and legs, OH MY! Now if you are giving coupons for sex, then pictures of tennis shoes and maybe Nick Nolte would be good matches.

Can we briefly touch on the picture in the lower left corner? Here is a better view.
It's padding for your butt AND your hips. The butt thing I get, but the hips? I can't imagine that that would create a smooth look under a sexy holiday dress, but whatevs Frederick's of Hollywood. You are the expert.

Just so you know, I did give Husband a real gift, too. I'm taking him for a facial and massage next Saturday. But shhhh....it's a surprise!

Crossing off the Days

2008-11-14T18:54:00.003-06:00

I had lunch with a work associate today; let's call her Samantha*. I'm not being fancy with the "work associate" business, but she isn't a co-worker, just someone I work with in a round-about way. Anyway, Samantha was telling me about a time several months ago where she started crossing off each day on her wall calendar in her office. A co-worker of hers saw this and said, "Oh no! Are you going to quit!?" That co-worker was right, Samantha had been considering leaving the position. She was restless and counting the days, wanting the weekdays to go faster and the weekends to last longer.

Apparently, after 30 years of working, that co-worker of Samantha's had picked up on crossing of calendar days = job dissatisfaction.

Now, I find this just fascinating. I should also mention that I'm currently crossing off the days on not one, not two, but THREE calendars. Guess who is restless in her current position? I'm not going to do anything rash, obvs, given the state of the economy and the fact that a wee bundle of joy (and poo!) is on the way. But man, I don't think it is healthy that I'm so angst-y in my current position.

I need to start being more positive about being there and the work I do, but I'm feeling stuck with how to do that. And I really haven't gotten anywhere after writing about this exact topic three months ago. So what should I do? I think I will try to keep my focus on the exciting: Thanksgiving, Christmas, BABY and minimize my thinking about the icky.

*Total fake name!

That's a fine pair of britches, little lady

2008-11-10T17:53:00.002-06:00

We went on a drive up into the mountains on Sunday morning to give the Husband a chance to see the sights. The curvy drive was torturous given my easily nauseated preggy state, but it was worth it for both the sights and the ability to breathe in pine-y air.

Bozeman is on the list of possible places we might move to someday. It would be nice to be close to my parents (think of the free baby sitting!) and I like the small town feel of Bozeman. It's small town without being...small minded, if you know what I mean. Please understand I'm not saying everyone in small towns are close minded or that living in a big city will necessarily expand your horizons. I guess I'm trying to say that Bozeman doesn't feel backwards compared to Minneapolis. Ack, am I digging myself into a hole here? Do you know what I mean?

We flew back out Sunday afternoon and got lucky with our seats - the entire back row.
There was a baby and a toddler in front of me. The toddler enjoyed turning around and staring at me for surprisingly long lengths of time given the average attention span for toddlers. I tried chatting, but he just wanted to stare. Good practice in case we have a child with a staring problem! I do have to say that I'm going to avoid any traveling during the first 14+ weeks of pregnancy in the future. I was a sleepy, semi-pukey, and generally lame traveler and guest. Early pregnancy Laura thought I would be in a tip-top condition by 12 weeks. Early pregnancy Laura was a total fool. Oh well, now I know!

PS- I forgot to tell you about the britches! I overheard two women talking by the sinks while I was in the bathroom stall. One of them must have spilled something on her pants and was trying to get the stain out. I was utterly delighted to hear her say, "I can't believe I spilled on these nice britches!". My mind went wild imagining what britches might look like. Would they be Cowgirl chaps? Or some sort of denim trouser with leather stitching up the side? What on earth are britches!? Well, it turns out they are merely PANTS. No frills or flairs were in sight. Well, heck. Seems my lexicon just expanded by one more word.

Mountain Views

2008-11-08T09:00:00.007-06:00

Husband and I arrived yesterday in Montana to spend the weekend with my parents. The Bozeman Airport is deliciously rustic cabin-like.We spent the remainder of the afternoon eating chili, taking siestas, and then working on Sudoku puzzles. Observe Husband's brow furrowed in concentration.

I went to bed at 8:30 PM last night for which I had a multitude of justifications. Take your pick: it's an hour earlier in Montana, Daylight Savings just happened so therefore it felt like an additional hour earlier, and lastly - I be gestating.

After a good night's sleep, I woke up at 6:30 AM, which felt very righteous (I love how that works). I was delighted to get the chance to read the Bozeman Police Reports once again. I first shared some here. Today's are no less enthralling.

A cage was reportedly a traffic hazard on Interstate 90 at 10:32 AM.
Several men reportedly threw chunks of sandwiches at a pedestrian on North Seventh Avenue.
A woman reported that she had lent appliances to a roommate on West Villard Street and that the roommate had left and gone to Anaconda with them.
A resident of Foster Lane found an empty wasp nest left at the gate to his property and a dead bird floating in his toilet. He did not have any suspects in mind.
Several mountain sheep were reported in the road around a bend on Interstate 191.

Highlights of today included a walk with my parents on the trails that wind behind their home.

Bangs clearly brought to you by the year 1989.

Speaking of their home, take a look at just one of the many views from their windows. Gorgeous!

We also visited the great Museum of the Rockies this afternoon. We partook in a planetarium film that was clearly from the early 90s and promised us a future with such things as supercomputers ("it's unimaginable how fast they will operate") and how we might use virtual reality in the future (I know the future...it's Wii!).

All in all, a relaxing mini weekend trip. I shall continue to unwind this evening with some sparkling apple cider in a wine glass. Oh the indulgence!

Mama for Obama

2008-11-04T21:44:00.002-06:00

You know you're a pregnant democrat when you start crying after hearing that Obama took Ohio.

Eager to see what tonight will bring us!

And the answer is...

2008-11-02T20:46:00.004-06:00

A baby! There is a baby in my belly (uterus, technically, but whatevs)!

I am nearly 12 weeks along and due May 18, 2009.

Oh people, you have no idea how hard it has been to not say or write anything about being pregnant. I have known I was pregnant since September 5 - nearly a lifetime ago. Now you know the real reason my posting has been so sparse and lame-o over the past couple months. Between exhaustion and puking and not being able to talk about or reference the HUGE thing in my life, it made regular blogging difficult.

But! If you are interested in the minutiae (plural of minutia - I googled it) of pregnancy, come and visit my secret pregnancy blog. There you will find details you never wanted to know (discharge discussion, anyone?) and photos of my now ENORMOUS bosom.

I told Husband the morning I got the positive pregnancy test. Since he got to plan a whole big engagement moment/evening/weekend, I wanted to plan a big "I'm pregnant!" moment. I had put together a photo slide show with music and was going to tell him that I had been trying out iMovie on my Mac and had put together a little video of us. To throw him off, I had done a similar video with photos from our India trip a few weeks before. Of course, it would have been more casual if I had waited to tell him during a more random moment, but I ended up waking him up to show him. I was just too excited. But he was still very surprised (I had lied and told him I couldn't test until the next week) and we watched the video a second time which caused all sorts of crying for everyone involved.

Here is the video if you are interested.

Our Life from Laura on Vimeo.

We are thrilled and excited and nervous and a thousand other things all at once.

Oops - One More Chicago Pic

2008-10-31T18:09:00.003-05:00

Hmmm...what could be in my belly? I'll name a couple things and let you guess the last one.

In my belly, there is water and popcorn and...

Chicago Day 3

2008-10-30T21:14:00.006-05:00

Monday morning I opted to ditch my conference sessions (shhhhh...don't tell!) and do more touring with the Husband. Since it was still freaking cold and windy, we stopped by a Walgreens to buy hats and gloves. Little did we know what treats were awaiting us.
The Husband and I had a big laughing fit when we realized we would be sporting authentic Chicago wear. You know what was even better? They sold the hats by the ounce, making it a deal we couldn't refuse.

After getting properly dressed for the weather, we returned to Millennium Park at the Husband's request. I was bored, but he did get this great shot.After that we walked along Michigan Avenue for a bit before heading to the Lake and the Aquarium. We got lucky and went there on one of their free to the public days. Woo hoo!
Once at the Aquarium, Husband proceeded to take 9 million photos and hundreds of videos. I was never aware of his sea creature fascination before. Maybe someone needs a fish tank for Christmas?

An smattering of sea creatures:

Just before we left the Aquarium, we bought tickets to the 12:30 4D movie. The 3rd dimension is clearly the fashion glasses.
And the 4th dimension? Yeah, not so sure I liked the 4th dimension. As we watched the movie we were poked in the back (built in retractable rod in the seat back), sprayed in the face with water, felt the wind in our hair (or lack thereof as some of us are of the bald variety), had tails wag by our feet, and were treated to bum vibrations. Yikes. So if you ever have an option to see a 4D movie? Proceed with caution, my friends.

We left the Aquarium to find the temperature had dropped further and the sun had disappeared behind clouds leaving me SO CRABBY. I HATE being cold. Yes, yes, I live in Minnesota and grew up in North Dakota, but cold weather is still not acceptable. It gives me Tourette's.

Luckily, Husband guided me to lunch where I ate potato pancakes and yogurt and felt a little bit better.

So there you have it! That completes our photo journey of Chicago '08.

Chicago Day 2

2008-10-26T19:40:00.003-05:00

It's cold here! Despite harsh winds and frigid temps, the Husband and I have taken some walks around the city.

Along the river (Obvs)

Millennium Park
Funny Color in Chicago #1
Funny Color in Chicago #2
We capped off our evening with a meal at a British Pub, Elephant & Castle, which was just perfect.

Does anything taste better than cozy pub food on a freezing day? I think not. Except for maybe the slice of Bailey's cheesecake that we brought back to our hotel room to have for dessert later. I'd like you to know that Husband ate 95% of his meal (Steak & Ale Pie, Garlic Mashed Potatoes, Green Beans) and 55% of my meal (Fish & Chips). He was not uncomfortably full afterwards. What!?

Tomorrow we plan to check out the aquarium. Stay tuned!

Chicago

2008-10-25T17:42:00.002-05:00

We are in Chicago. I'm here for a dietetic conference (OMG boring) and Husband is here to relax and do some sight-seeing during the day. My thoughts so far...

I wish Minneapolis had a better train/subway system. I'm jealous of places with actual connections vs just the straight line of train that we have.

Our hotel is located downtown, which will make it nice for wandering the streets. I'm taking Husband to Michigan Avenue tonight and we will also walk along the river.

Here is our cute little hotel room.
The ridiculously enormous TV.
The view to the right. Big City!The view to the left. Um...More tomorrow!

Tropical Vacay: Honduras

2008-10-22T18:14:00.006-05:00

Are you all as obsessed with HGTV as I am? I especially love House Hunters and this week is House Hunters International Tropical Paradise Week. It might as well be my birthday, this thrills me so much. Now imagine the uber delight I felt when I realized they were featuring a place I had actually been to on Monday night's episode: Roatan Island, Honduras.

Can't remember just where Honduras is located? Have no fear, a map is here.After a quick perusal of that map, you might be curious why the Husband and I (at the time it was merely the Boyfriend and I) chose to visit Honduras. Quite honestly, we wouldn't have even considered it if I hadn't had a close friend working for the US Government down in Honduras. Her tour of duty was going to end in late January 2007 so the Husband and I decided to take advantage of her being there and made the trip down for one week around New Years 2007. It was a lovely change of scenery from the dreary winter days in Minneapolis.

We flew into the state capital, Tegucigalpa, or Teguz for short, to spend a couple days with our friend prior to flying out to Roatan for a romantic mini get away. We then returned to Teguz for a few more days before flying back to the US. I'm going to just focus on the Roatan part of our trip because (1) this post is going to be sooooo long anyway and (2) I took only 2 pictures of the city - LAME.

Ok, since Roatan is an island, we chose to take a direct flight from Teguz. Here is the plane.
Now I know the photo is dark, but I want you to notice a few things. First off, this picture was taken from the back row. That means that this plane sat 8 people. TINY. There was a lot of strategic luggage stacking and then assigned seats based on your body size to get it all balanced.

Second, notice that the co-pilot's arm is sort of sticking out the window. This plane had windows that opened directly to the outside! And they left them open for take off, which nearly killed everyone from the noxious gas fumes (this was no green puddle jumper, people).

Finally, this last item is not something you can see, but you can certainly visualize it if you use your imagination. So the woman in front of me started looking in her seat pockets during take off and I heard her say something to her husband across the aisle about not feeling well. [Remember my often mentioned and at that time in my life quite strong VOMIT PHOBIA?] Since one of my classic nightmares features me getting vomited on while stuck in the back of a plane, I decided to make sure there was an extra vomit bag in the seatback pocket in front of me, should this woman need to use it. And guess what I found? I found [shuddering at the memory and I haven't even TOLD you yet] A USED BAG OF VOMIT. FOR THE F**KING LOVE OF GOD. That experience was likely instrumental in helping me conquer my phobia. Nothing like sitting with the knowledge that there is someone else's vomit in the seatback pocket for an entire hour long flight to make you face your fear. Only me. That could only have happened to me.

OK! [Briskly clapping hands] Let's move on to more pleasant things...like the vacation!

We stayed in the West End at Lands End Resort. The price was great and the views were stunning.

Our porch overlooking the water:

We could also see the saltwater "infinity" pool from our porch.
One random feature of this resort were the deer that lived there. They were tame little pets with the softest tongues.
My only wee gripe about this resort was that our bathroom was not completely separate from the bedroom. The last couple feet near the ceiling were lattice which meant all sounds and, um, smells would travel into the main room. Normally not such a big deal, but both the Husband (then Boyfriend, remember) and I got a touch of Montezuma's revenge while there so it wasn't so romantic after all. Husband had it worse. I always tell him to avoid fresh fruits & veggies and ice while in places like Honduras or India, but he doesn't listen. So Husband spent a good deal of our time in Honduras doing this:
In spite of the pooing problems, there were still beautiful sunsets each night.
During the days, we would walk down to the beach at Half Moon Bay. The water was gorgeous - so clear and warm. Roatan is one of the top dive locations in the world. We did some snorkeling while we were there, which was fun.

The last memory that really stands out to me from our trip to Roatan was eating at an Argentinian restaurant. We had one of the most exceptional meals of our lives there and went back a second time because it was so phenomenal. We sat out on the beach at a candlelit table and had delicious red wine and some of the best steak and seafood followed by scrumptious desserts. I wish I had pictures of it all, but that was before I was so snap happy.

Would we ever go back to Roatan? Maybe. There are so many great tropical beaches that would be fun to try first before returning. But are we glad we went? Absolutely.

V. V. Boring

2008-10-07T19:49:00.003-05:00

Have you noticed I haven't been posting much lately? It's because I've been SO BORING! I can't bear to subject you to the boring-ness when I can barely stand it myself. However, things should soon be remedied in that department because the Husband and I have two trips coming up!

The first is a trip to Chicago where I will be attending a conference and Husband will be tagging along. Take a look at the hotel we are staying at - posh! And paid for by my work, which is clearly awesome. The actual conference might be kind of dull since it's all dietitian stuff and I'm not really interested in that. Despite being a dietitian. Whoops. I smell a career change coming on. I did google book editor yesterday - that sounds like it might be nice.

The second trip is to Bozeman, MT to visit mah Mama n' Papa. Probably Brother Danny, too, as he lives close by in Billings. It will be a short weekend visit, but we hope to jam pack it with delightful fun. I love having my Mom take care of me. One mild concern is that Husband will go into his TMI mode in front of my parents. Sometimes he shares things with them that causes extreme cringing for me. Husband's family is all share-a-palooza when they are together while mine is a bit more reserved. Husband has been shaking up the natural family dynamic which is good, but CHANGE IS PAINFUL, people. Especially when Husbsand makes references to things that...I can't even tell you. Just typing about it leaves me extremely cringy.

The final thing that should help to remedy my excessive boring-ness of late is that we bought a printer/fax/copier/scanner. Which is clearly boring on it's own, but that means I can scan photos of my youth and tell stories that will probably be 99% made up lies since I can't remember a darn thing accurately. The only catch is setting the thing up which has been causing immediate fatigue in both Husband and I every time we contemplate it.

So, Dear Readers, don't give up on me during the lull in posting. I promise to step it up in the next month!

Autumn, excuse me, I mean AUTUMNAL Decor

2008-09-30T12:23:00.007-05:00

I have been having the strongest urge to decorate my house with autumn-themed decorations. And not just autumn, I want Halloween decorations to be followed by Thanksgiving decorations which will culminate in a fully decked out house for Christmas.

What is this!? Is it that I've turned totally boring? Or that being married has flipped a Martha Stewart switch inside of me?

I don't think it would be acceptable for me to actually start buying decorations for the house until I start doing a better job with keeping the house properly tidy. We aren't total slobs, but we aren't the neatest people. And Husband is OBSESSED with "soaking" dishes. Read: buying time before having to actually do the dishes. It kills me. But not enough to, like, actually DO the dishes for him. I just complain - clearly it's the more effective tactic.

Anyway, what do you think? Would seasonal decorations in a messy house be the equivalent to the vanilla air freshener in the employee bathroom? You know - something that is good on its own, but disgusting when paired with something less than fresh?

Goats at Large

2008-09-27T19:22:00.005-05:00

Mama was in town this past week for a conference. For those of you that don't know, my parents live in beautiful Bozeman, MT. Anyway, she left a copy of the Bozeman paper on our coffee table and I happened to pick it up yesterday to peruse while I ate breakfast. I came across the police reports and was utterly delighted. My favorites:

Three goats were reported running at large on East Griffin Drive.
Police took a report of a disorderly 5-year-old at Longfellow School.
A woman reported two males were skateboarding on North Rouse Avenue and making her feel uncomfortable.

Ahhhhh! Love it!

In non-related news, I HATE and I mean absolutely LOATHE this commercial.

Correspondence

2008-09-17T20:57:00.004-05:00

Dear Neighbor Down the Street,

Your poster advertising pigeons, $20 a pair, is really creeping me out. You do this every year and it makes me uncomfortable. Why, I wonder, are you breeding pigeons to sell? And just what does the inside of your house look like? Not good I imagine. It makes me feel icky every time I see your sign and your house and think of you and your pigeons. So, for the good of the 'hood, please remove the sign and cease and desist pigeon breeding.

Regards,
Your Neighbor with the More Socially Acceptable Animal Situation of Three Cats

Dearest Husband,

Today the garbage smelled really, really bad when I got home from work. I'm not sure what was causing such a foul odor, but clearly it was something related to death and decay. I bet you noticed it this morning, didn't you? But you chose to ignore it like a cheeky monkey until it got so bad that I had to take care of it. Well, that's ok. Sometimes I do that with cat vomit. I pretend that I don't see it, just so you can find it later and deal with it. But then again, sometimes you do that with cat vomit, too.

Your partner in Poor Housekeeping,
The Wife

Dear Stevie the Cat,

I know you have special needs, what with your cleft palate and your blindness and all. But special needs aside, you still need to work on your manners. For example, it is rude to jump up on the couch right next to me every time you need to sneeze. I get sprayed with cat mucus every time you do this, and yet you persist. Why do you do this, cat? What if I opted to use your fur in place of kleenex from now on? Consider that next time you feel a tickle in your nose.

Sincerely,
Your Keeper

Dear Workplace,

I'm finding you to be quite vile lately. I think I would prefer a 3 hour day as that would suit my needs better. My salary should remain the same. I need you to make that happen, like NOW.

Cordially,
Your Dedicated Employee

How Embarrassing

2008-09-15T19:27:00.003-05:00

Husband was subjected to embarrassment as a result of my foolhardy-ness not once, but twice yesterday. Let's review.

Incident 1: We were walking through Target and I noticed a couple men glance at my chest. Not entirely out of the question given the bosom, but it seemed a little over the top. Oh well, I chalked it up to it being the Target that is closest to the 'U' and figured that this particular Target was teeming with hormonally charged youngsters who were prone to bosom leering. However, as the Husband and I loaded our bags into the car he pointed out that my shirt had become unbuttoned. Oops.

Incident 2: We were in the produce section at the grocery store and were each tackling half of the list. I grabbed some carrots, mushrooms, and lettuce and put them in the cart. The Husband and I met up and he reached for more carrots. I stopped him, pointing out that they were already in the cart. As we both gazed into the cart, I realized they weren't in there. I was seriously stumped for a second until I realized I had put them in the WRONG cart. I had to awkwardly approach the innocent man whose cart I had over taken and explain my error. The Husband was seriously embarrassed by me by this point.

I did other non-embarrassing things this weekend, too. I went to the St. Paul Farmer's Market with my friend Amy. There were both pretty vegetables and ugly vegetables there.
I bought squash to make a soup with and heirloom tomatoes for pasta sauce and salads. After the farmer's market, Amy and I tried out a bakery/coffee shop in her neighborhood.

Twas lovely! I recommend you give it a whirl if you ever find yourself in West St. Paul.

Fun Fact Tuesday

2008-09-09T20:17:00.003-05:00

Fun Fact 1: My voting location for today's primary election in Minnesota was at Marcy Open School in Minneapolis. The band, Marcy Playground, perhaps most famous for their single Sex & Candy, got their name from that school.

Fun Fact 2: I have double jointed hips and would freak out my teachers in kindergarten when I would sit with my legs in an M shape rather than the traditional cross legged position. They were full of warnings about it damaging my legs. And guess what? They were WRONG. I have no problems. Because my body was meant to bend all flexy-funny at the hips in the first place. They were all over me for holding my pencil wrong, too. Such nay-sayers.

Fun Fact 3: I was vomit free for 12 years, between the ages of 8 and 20. My streak was ruined by a food poisoning incident during my sophomore year in college. I should have known that the lettuce wouldn't turn the bread green...

Fun Fact 4: I studied abroad with the boy from the Nanny. Some child stars grow up to be normal. He was from Minnesota originally, though. We are a more stable people in the Midwest.

Fun Fact 5: I met part of Kool & The Gang once. It was on Thanksgiving Day 2001 in a tiny bar in Majorca, Spain. Which makes total sense, no? They sang Celebration. We drank mojitos. They were actually pretty pervy once we started talking to them, which wasn't so kool.

Potato Lake

2008-09-07T20:18:00.003-05:00

The Husband and I had a nice weekend at Potato Lake. We were at the resort my family faithfully visited each and every fall when we were growing up. The resort hasn't changed one bit, which was comforting and a little weird. It made me wonder if the Sixlets candy in the Lodge has perhaps sat on the shelf since 1988. I decided not to personally investigate it.

We did very little all weekend, but here is what we did partake in:

Tetherball. Husband had never heard of this game until he saw Napolean Dynamite.(!?)

Puzzling. We were into it until we got to the sky and the leaves part. Then we got bored. I made a comment that this puzzle must be an advanced puzzle. Husband checked the box: suitable for ages 10 and up. Oh. Hm.

World of Christmas. Oh, World of Christmas, how I loved you as a kid. We bought fudge there, as is family tradition. We then consumed too much fudge and felt a little sickly, as is family tradition.

Took Pictures of the Unusual Northern Minnesota Native Species.

Sunrise and Sunset Admiring. It was lovely to be sittin' on the dock of the bay-ay, wastin' time.

Awkward Dietitian

2008-09-03T20:11:00.004-05:00

I went to the grocery store after work today to get curry powder for tonight's dinner, Curried Chicken Salad. [Which, by the way, was delicious! Highly recommend.]

I made a total grocery-shopping amateur's mistake and went there when I was really hungry and maybe a little PMS-y. So I bought the curry and then wandered about for a bit, willy-nilly throwing dessert type items into my cart. I bought the Husband and I each a fancy donut for tonight and I also bought some chocolate chips and some Reese's puffs. Mmmm...dessert options for the week!

As luck would have it, I was checked out by the overly chatty cashier. He asked if I had just come from work and I said I had. Then he asked, "What do you do?"

"Oh, I'm a dietitian at Mysterious Place That Shall Not Named On This Blog", I said. Then I glanced down at my decidedly not healthy purchases and said awkwardly, "Not that my purchases today reflect that."

He gave me kind of a sad smile, one you would imagine a bartender giving a weathered patron while he wipes down the bar. You know, the one that says "I've seen it all, lady."

Well! Moving on. Today I cracked open the third Turbo Jam DVD I bought: Turbo Jam Beachbody 5 Rockin' Workouts. I did the 45 minute Cardio Party. Another success. I do really like this serious. Sure Chalene was yelling too much about burning calories and reach higher to burn more calories and lunge lower to burn more calories, but it was still motivating and time went relatively quickly. I'm intrigued by the Ab Jam on this DVD, but it's 40 minutes long. That seems just way too long to devote to one muscle group, don't you think?

I'm Nothing but a Downward Facing Dog

2008-09-02T21:04:00.005-05:00

I felt a lot better today and I'm sure it's 95% related to exercising. Le sigh. I mean, it's good that I know what to do when I'm feeling funky-ass, but...meh. Why does exercise have to be the cure? Why can't it be red wine and peanut butter M&Ms? What's that? Did I just hear a hay-ell yay-eh?

Anyways, today I decided to kill all birds with one stone (that sounds violent, no?) by going to a power yoga class at my darling yoga studio. Birds being aerobic activity, strengthening, and something spiritual, of course.

All was fine and well prior to the class. I always feel much calmer just going to the yoga studio and I enjoyed a little pre-class child's pose. My Ps and Qs came to an abrupt halt when right at the start of the class, a lady came in all fussy pants style and plopped her mat down too close to mine. If it had been a crowded room that would have been one thing, but no, there was plenty of space. She just mysteriously chose to not center her mat in the space between my mat and the next man's mat.

"Breathe," I told myself, "No biggie. Be zen and don't move your mat over. It's pesky, yes, but you just need to... Oh wait I'm not supposed to be thinking thoughts! Breathe. In....Out..."

However, the second we started our Sun Salutations there was no zen. Why not? Because our hands actually hit each other! Lady was too close to me AND she didn't stagger her mat. Gah! I moved my mat over as quietly as possible and tried to get back into the yoga zone.

But it was too late. I was feeling irritated by her and was further irritated by her abrupt movements from one pose to the next. It was very SHAZAM into Warrier 2 and then SHAZAM into Triangle and I KNOW IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, BUT I WAS IRRITATED!

Clearly yoga was bringing up some, um, issues, for me today. Time on the mat being a reflection of your own life and all that.

Want to hear the worst of it? After the class that lady gave me a big genuine smile. And then another perfectly pleasant smile as I was leaving the locker room.

I felt like total poo for thinking rude thoughts when she really didn't do anything wrong. She was just doing her own thing and having a good time not worrying about all the little details. Unlike some of us. Yes, Brain, I mean YOU.

It appears my four day challenge with the added yoga/meditation couldn't have come at a better time.

Do any of you get all irritated and think mean thoughts about your fellow yogis during yoga?

Current Mood: Still Funky

2008-09-01T20:14:00.009-05:00

I'm not entirely sure what my problem is right now. The likeliest suspects are, in no particular order: work sucking, dairy & gluten eating, lack of regular exercising, and the warm weather. And seriously, that last reason: warm weather? Even I want to yell at myself, "Honey, get over yourself! You live in MINNESOTA". But this is my blog and thus I'm entitled to the occasional (oh, hell) frequent whine.

Here's the deal, though. Regardless of whatever the exact source of my bad mood, I need to just get off my arse and start exercising again. No excuses. If I want to start things rolling in the right direction I have to get up and get rolling myself. A ball in motion remains in motion and all that. Physics, m'dear, it's a matter of physics!

So here is my mini challenge: One hour of exercise each day, today through Thursday. I am going to also try to do a little yoga or meditation each day. And before you get all twitchy about meditation, here is what I mean when I talk about it: The Secret Garden. That particular guided meditation has served as a very effective sleeping pill for over a year now. Plus I love how the British lady says "meditative".

I got off to a great start today, first with 30 minutes walking on the treadmill and then this exercise DVD: Turbo Jam Fat Blaster and then ended with 20 minutes of yoga. As far as reviewing it, it was on par with the other Turbo Jam DVD I reviewed last week. Thus, I liked it quite a bit. This one was much more aerobic, which I enjoyed.

I have to confess that I LOVED aerobics in high school. I would go down to the YMCA a few times a week for classes and have continued to take aerobics classes on and off over the years. I may never have been a very good ballet dancer, but damn, I'm good at aerobics. This DVD had that fun bouncy feel that aerobics does. Of course that means that there is a lot of jumping. So if you don't like the jumping, this is not for you.

One more thing: wear a very supportive sports bra; perhaps even two. Otherwise you might just have a bosom that starts clapping while jabbing. Yes, I just said that. My bosom will clap under certain circumstances. I blame my mild case of pectus excavatum for that particular, erhm, party trick. I also blame the pectus excavatum for causing me to look indecent in most tanks and scoop necked shirts. I swear it's not a slutty tank top, it's just my sunken chest, also known as Cobbler's chest, also known as pectus excavatum! Believe me, my mom would still make me change shirts, with nary a touch of pity for my PHYSICAL DEFORMITY.

OK, back to the task at hand. I will blog about my fitness endeavors each day over the next few days and hopefully, by next weekend, my funk will be a thing of the past.

15, 20, 50, 5, 750, 1000

2008-08-29T10:34:00.004-05:00

What do my cryptic numbers mean? Besides all being divisible by 5? [Did you know I love me some math?]

Today I am giving 15 presentations, each taking 20 minutes, to audiences of 50+ at a time which means a grand total of 5 hours of me yapping to somewhere between 750 to 1000 people today.

I shit you not.

And, if you can believe it, today's extravaganza was actually not a part of the work stress I was talking about in Monday's post. Today is bonus stress. Frosting on a cupcake stress. Except, of course, without all the deliciousness.

But I came to a decision yesterday. I decided that to keep my sanity I will limit my work hours to the reasonable 8-8.5/day. If some things don't get done, well, then they don't get done. And I will work on leaving work thoughts at work. Notice I said work thoughts. I never bring actual work home as that is a level of dedication my laziness will never allow me to achieve, thank god.

So now I am looking forward to this Labor Day weekend (versus regarding it as merely an extension of the work week and thus dreary and dismal). And then the weekend after that is our trip to the lake cabin. Huzzah! Joy is back in Woo-ville once more.

Fear and Self Loathing in Minneapolis

2008-08-25T20:09:00.004-05:00

I spilled some Leinenkugal's Sunset Wheat beer on my computer last night. I wasn't drunk or even tipsy. I was just clumsy. I'm always so damn clumsy. But I suppose I'm lucky. Or so far I'm lucky, anyway, that it was just two keys that have been affected and not the whole keyboard or, worse, the whole computer. So my two out of commission keys? The Return and the right Shift key. Both of which have back-up keys on the keyboard. Coincidence? I don't know.

But the beer spillage came on top of a wee late-20s emotional crisis I've been having over my career. You see, I took a new job about four months ago. I left eating disorders work because it was slowly sucking me dry. I had nothing left for the Husband at the end of the day because I gave it all to the clients. True, they were clients who needed my attention, my caring, my sympathy and motivating words, and maybe they needed it more than the Husband, but I could see that in the long term, there was no way I could keep it up. It was exhausting me.

So I took a new job, which I'm not going to tell you about much on here because I have great fear for the Dooce. But I took a new job hoping it would be the right fit and that I could truly enjoy my work and still have room for my real life at home.

But lately it has not been working out that way. Work has been stressful and I've found my energy low, my urge to be lazy and drink wine on the couch high, and I've resumed biting my nails. I don't see my long hours or the frustrations of my job easing up in the near future and I am feeling panicked by this.

This is my fifth job in five years. Granted, three of those positions were in the same line of work (eating disorders), but that's a lot of jumping. You should know (or, rather, I want you to know) that changing jobs has been a calculated risk and not on a whim. I have always left jobs with the managers telling me that they would hire me back if I changed my mind, but I never have. With every new job came a pay increase and I've doubled my salary in five years, which I don't think most other dietitians my age have done. But now that I've averaged only a year at each job for several years, I feel like I really shouldn't make another jump to a new job. I need to be able to handle the stress of this job and not run from it.

And that is where the fear and self loathing comes in. Because the common denominator in all those jobs not working out for me in the past five years? Me. I'm the one who couldn't handle it and found the stress too overwhelming, leading me to make a jump to the next job. Jump, jump, jump.

Do I need to get over the fact that working sucks and that's just the way it is? Or is there something better out there? Something that doesn't leave me crabby on Sunday nights and too exhausted to do anything other than lie on the couch on Friday evening?

It will get better, I know it will. But for now? I am feeling a bit wretched. And the fact that my normal Return key is no more? Oh boy, it sucks. It leaves my fingers fumbling for the right key, slowing everything down when I type. So that is where I will leave you today, with fumbling fingers and fumbling thoughts. No worries, I'm mostly OK, just sad about things never quite being the way you dream they will be.

In Review

2008-08-24T19:18:00.007-05:00

Review #1: Exercise DVD
Time for our first exercise DVD review! Woo! Turbo Jam came in the mail on Friday.I gave it a whirl on Sunday afternoon and even donned a pink Nike sweatband for the occasion.

Pros

It was a good mix of do-able and challenging. It seems like you can continue to progress with it, which isn't always the case with exercise DVDs.
It had a timer thing on the bottom that let you know how much longer for each section.
The instructor, Chalene Johnson, was peppy and perky, and would say things like "You can do it; Don't quit now!" at just the right moments.
The music was quite decent.

Cons

The cueing isn't too great and you are left upper cutting when you should be jabbing or right hooking when you should be upper cutting. But I'm sure I'll get it if I keep doing it.
The name is gross. Words, people! They bother me sometimes. Jam. [Shudder]
50 minutes is long and can be hard to commit to sometimes.
Exercise is hard. Wah. But that's not Chalene's fault.

Overall, I give it 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Review #2: The Beach House by Jane Green
I first cracked this book open on Saturday at 7 pm and was finished with it on Sunday at 4:30 pm. And I still managed to watch half of Transformers, be in bed by 10:30 pm, sleep 10 hours, go to Home Depot, and eat pancakes with Husband during that time. Am I bragging right now about how fast I read it? Hell yeah! Like I've said before - speed reading is my only true skill and since there are no competitions in which to show off my skill I have to brag when the occasion arrises.

Ok, let's get to the point here. I liked this book. It made me want to move to Nantucket and write books for a living. My one concern is that I fear Jane Green is becoming a little like a quality Danielle Steel, though. Things are getting a bit too formulatic. So my advice to Jane Green: proceed with caution. Oh, and one more thing. Sometimes Ms. Green includes tons of British words and phrases when the characters are supposed to be Americans living in America. For example, we most certainly do not eat "sweetmeats" in America! (Page 4). Also, we (sadly) do not refer to orange cats as "ginger" cats (Page 158). And finally, we would not tell someone that we consumed too much "drink" last night (Can't remember what page, but I know it's in there). So more advice to Jane Green: Get an American editor for your American books!

Overall: 4 out of 5 stars. (Sister - want me to send it to you?)

Review #3: Old Navy

So this last one is not so much a review as it is a shopping tip or two. Old Navy has suddenly gone cute after years of fugly (in my opinion)! For the past 5 years everything at Old Navy has been misshapen and ill fitting and would cause trying-on itchiness and anxiety. But on Sunday a quick trip for shorts for the Husband turned into a mini spree for me. Take a moment to admire my new t-shirt dress and sandals. Cheap and cute! Kindly overlook my wet hair and creepy pose.

So Old Navy, for now, you get 4 out of 5 stars in my book. However, this will be quickly revoked if you resume that ill-fitting business.

Dear Diary

2008-08-23T20:50:00.005-05:00

The following is taken from my 6th and 7th grade diary, which happened to have this picture on the cover:

19/12/92 [Apparently I was still getting a grasp on date writing during my Junior High years. Or perhaps I was feeling British?]

Dear Diary,
I am in Vxxxxxx's room [Full name withheld to protect sister's identity] writing with her 10 color pen. [Um...liar pants! I clearly stopped writing with the bulky and awkward 10 color pen after writing Dear Diary given that the rest of the entry is in classic Bic blue.] Im going to peek at her old diary later. She isn't home + neither is dxxxx. [Have to protect the brother, too. Interesting that I didn't capitalize his name. Intentional? Hmmmm...] My room is so messy that I am having troble cleaning it up.
Laura

Oh that last sentence is the kicker! And, um, sorry about reading your old diary, Big Sister. If it's any consolation - I totally don't remember what it said. Plus, the statue of limitations for a crime like that is only two years or something, so I've been in the clear from prosecution since 19/12/94. Right, lawyer brother?

I did it!

2008-08-22T20:22:00.005-05:00

I ran after work, despite (1) feeling pissy that I have to work on Saturday because of a deadline looming and others not getting their part of the project done in time, (2) the weather being all muggy and hot and being forced to exercise inside and (3) I never, like EVER, exercise on Fridays after work in spite on the most sincere of intentions.

So...WOOOOO me! And really, I shouldn't whine about having to exercise inside given our sick set up.

Exhibit A

Yes, I said sick. It's what all the cool kids are saying these days and goddammit, I want to be cool. I mean sick. I want to be sick. Except not like sick sick, but sick. Ah fekkit.

So what do I do for my body after giving it the gift o' exercise? I booze it up.

May I present...The martini!["Ahhhhhhh!", sings the choir of angels.]

And finally, here is a recent photo shoot. It features my sturdy and sensible Body by Victoria white bra.

The shame this blog is bringing on my family. The shame, I tell you.

Accountability: Take One

2008-08-22T07:36:00.002-05:00

I opted out of my 6 AM run this morning in favor of reading the archives of this blogger. Now I'm feeling exposed and guilty about this decision having been all "onward and upward" yesterday. Obvs, I could lie to my blogger audience, but that's just not in my code of ethics. The guilt, people. Can you tell I was raised Catholic?

So I guess this means I'll be running after work today. You win this round, Mr. Accountability.

In other running news: Beyonce's lyrics "I don't think you're ready for this jelly" are running incessantly through my head. Where did it come from? I haven't heard that song lately. It must have arrived in my dreams...vaguely creepy, that.

Shhhhh, Beyonce! Too early for jelly!

As the great Fergie once said: I be up in the gym just workin' on my fitness

2008-08-20T19:01:00.012-05:00

So. I've been planning a fitness post for a while now, probably for the past 6 weeks. It was going to be all about how dedicated I have been to working out and how great I feel and what I am doing differently this time and...

then I stopped being so dedicated.

Let me back up a minute. Several weeks ago I started writing the fitness post. I had been working out most days since early June and was feeling fab-u-lous! In the post I was giving some background about my fitness efforts in the past. As I read over my words that day it became clear that it was around the two month point where I began to lose steam in the past. So I decided to wait until I had a solid 3 months under my belt before posting, lest it seem that my fitness prowess boasting was premature.

Ah, but then. Then I had my sister's wedding, and I went to Fargo for my class reunion, and I dug myself into the ground getting the house ready for our party and there just wasn't time. And I didn't make time the time, either.

It's not to say that I completely stopped running or lifting or any of that in the last few weeks, but I have only lifted once a week and ran once a week the past 3 weeks. I was doing triple that before. And with the downward shift in exercise I've felt a dramatic downward shift in my mood and energy. The urge to lay on the couch with a glass of wine is suddenly so much more powerful. The effort it takes to get up in the morning to run seems insurmountable. But it isn't. I know it isn't because I did it before and, dammit, I'm going to do it again.

So! Onward and upwards. I need to get back into my groove and it shouldn't be too hard to stick with it since i don't have any weekend trilogies coming up in the fall. I am sharing all of this with you for that whole accountability piece that all therapists love. I have also ordered four new exercise DVDs which involve words like turbo, shred, and blast. I intend to review them publicly on this blog. No, make that I promise to review them on this blog.

Give me another couple months and I'll deliver a hella fab fitness post summarizing what I've been doing and how good I feel. I think I'll also give some updates along the way (that accountability thing again).

And lest you think all my fitness efforts since June have been for naught, I leave you with a picture taken yesterday of my biceps and my armpit's 5-o'clock shadow.

Mmmm...biceps meat.

If you are interested...

2008-08-17T19:56:00.002-05:00

FYI - I've added a link for my old blog on this blog. You can also access it here.

I was...um...younger back then. Real special.

Although I'm pretty sure that in 2011 I'll look back on my 2008 posts with wry embarrassment, too.

Summer's Bounty

2008-08-17T19:10:00.006-05:00

Y'all know I'm only using the word bounty to raise your hackles, right? And that using the phrase raise your hackles only serves to cause further hackle raising. Wooooo! Word power!

Behold...The Bounty! For reals, though, this is what we bought at the Farmer's Market today for a mere $11. On the meal planning docket for this week (oooh, there go those hackles again!): Ukrainian Red Borscht with fresh dill & sour cream, an Indian Creamed Eggplant over basmati rice, Tilapia Fajitas with sautéed onions and peppers and fresh guacamole and pico de gallo, and Rosemary & Lemon Chicken with Pesto Mashed Potatoes. After the busy weeks in late July & early August, I'm happy to be back in the kitchen.

And now for some recent food adventures. The Husband and I decided to make a big breakfast on the Sunday following my birthday. I just wanted Panera (I heart the Spinach & Artichoke soufflé), but Husband was being all, "Let's save money!" so we went to the grocery store instead. Of course, once we were inside the store we ended up spending way more than we would have ever spent at Panera. I suddenly had a hankering (word alert!) for smoked salmon and I thought a sharp white cheddar would pair well in an omelet. Husband accidentally made bizarro jumbo omelets, but they still tasted delicious. Requisite bacon, grapefruit, coffee, juice and a fried cinnamon roll rounded out the dainty meal. Ha. Dainty my ass.

Because we had to buy an entire package of smoked salmon I had to figure out something to do with the leftover half package. Voila: Smoked salmon and peas in a white wine cream sauce. We had it over gluten free pasta with a side salad for a lovely meal.

One more special wine gift that was given that I overlooked when giving my other shout-outs...a dry white wine from Austria! It was fabulous- danke!
And finally - Grilled Marinated Pork Chops, Rice Pilaf, and Mixed Greens in a Dijon Vinaigrette.
I would like to now leave you with one last hunk of meat.
It's my take on the poster popular with the junior high set featuring the buff man holding a baby.

Doesn't Toonses have exceptional feline flexibility?

Adventures of the Library Sort

2008-08-13T20:03:00.004-05:00

My jealousy for trip taking has only become worse since blogging about my own wedding trip to Mexico. I WANT MORE. So what did I do? Two things. One is to book a cheap-y trip to Potato Lake in Minnesota for the first weekend in September. We got a rustic cabin at the same resort my family took an annual fall trip to while I was growing up. We are very, very much looking forward to it. The second thing I did was head to the Bibliothèque à pied [library on foot] to check out books about France.

Along the way I worked on my zen and stopped to appreciate the lovely sights.

I was also creepy and took self portraits. What's up with the crows feet!? 28 and suddenly I'm crinkly. Must wear sunglasses tous les temps!
Arrived at the library and admired the spaciousness while at the same time cursing the hideous carpet (no photo of said carpet...too ugs).
I checked out my books, loaded up my re-useable shopping bag, was mysteriously winked at by the security man, and stepped outside to see this:
Hmmm... I decided to chance it and hurry the mile or so home, trying to beat the rain. Guess what? BAD, BAD idea. I was caught right as I reached the bridge, where there was no shelter. I ran awkwardly in my flip flops with my shopping bag of books thumping at my side and my not-properly-harnessed bosom flapping about. In a matter of seconds I was soaked. When I got to the other side of the bridge, the rain abruptly stopped and there was a huge rainbow in the sky. I felt kind of misunderstood being soaking wet when there was no more rain. Also, my stripy pink underwear was showing through my white skirt, which was clinging to my legs as I tried to walk. Gah, I'm a disaster sometimes.

Anyhoo, here's my library selection. I threw in some books about Italy and two from the teenagers section (OMG the SHAME I bring on msyelf). Did you know Beverly Cleary has all these books for teenage girls!? I knew of only one, Fifteen, and was thrilled to find there are more. It's like discovering Judy Blume wrote a bonus series that you never knew about. Score!

Librarian friends - do you think they will take pity on me for getting caught in the rain or am I going to owe like $100 in damaged books? I feel like a book hater when I'm [Beverly] clearly a lovah.

My Wedding, Part II

2008-08-11T18:27:00.000-05:00

Where were we? Ah, yes, just hitched. Happy, Happy.

First though, there is something I should have shared yesterday, but didn't think of it. In any case, here are our vows, pieced together from several sources, until they were our own:

I love you…
not only for who you are,
but for who I am when I am with you.

I love you…
not only for what you have made of yourself,
but for what you are making of me.

I love you…
for accepting the weak and foolish parts of me
and for drawing out all the potential beauty
that no else had looked quite far enough to find.

I promise to respect you as your own person
and to realize that your interests, desires and needs
are no less important than my own.

I promise to keep myself open to you,
to let you see through the window of my world
into my innermost fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.

I promise to grow along with you,
to be willing to face changes in order to keep
our relationship alive and exciting.

I promise to love you
with all that I have to give and all that I feel inside
in the only way I know how,
completely and forever.

I love you.
You are my best friend.
On this, our wedding day, I give myself to you completely and unconditionally.

Big sigh with a little weep, no?

Anyway, right after the rose petals were tossed, we took a wee walk down a path and back just to take a minute to breathe and be all husbandly and wifely together.
What did we talk about on that walk? NO IDEA. I have no memory of that moment or the next few hours, really. In fact, upon returning to Minneapolis, I was feeling all sad that we never got a picture with the whole group together...WHEN IN FACT WE HAD! What kind of crazy nonsense is that? I guess I was so caught up in the moment or something? Or mysteriously drunk off 1/2 glass of white wine? Or perhaps this is what DARE talked about... I was high on life!

More high on life photos featuring special guest: The Veil

Fancy dancing moves:Action shots:

More romantic walking that I have no memory of: Some inappropriate posing with a nativity scene. SACRELIG!
For serious now, kids, the rest of the night was great. We had dinner on a outdoor patio and were toasted in a most lovely manner, ate cake, danced the MOST AWKWARD FIRST DANCE OF ALL TIME*, and then went to the discotheque!

I only have two tiny regrets from my wedding. The first is that I didn't buy fabulous strappy gold sandals and the second is that I didn't give a proper toast/thank you to my guests. You see, Husband would launch into these spontaneous toasts without warning and I would get full of the awkward and couldn't overcome the social anxiety enough just to impromptu stand up and jump in there with him. Je regrette. But what to do? It's life and I think (hope) that Husband was able to speak on my behalf.

But anyway, then later that night... DUDE, NOT TELLING!!!!!

So the next morning we went to our next resort where the towel art was high class:
and we were deliciously lazy and I read about 7 novels and drank nearly 5 Blue Hawaiians each day. I also mysteriously had the best sushi of my life at the second resort. [What!? Mexico? Best sushi? Qué?]

The End

[Photos credits go to the following: 1-9 to Citlalli with Claudia Rodriguez Photography, 10 to Dr. Hectic, and 11 to me!]

*Most awkward dancing ever for several reasons but the biggest of which included (1) having to dance in the middle of the 'U' shaped table and (2) having our specially picked out song (By Your Side by Sade) play several times in a row because people kept standing up to give toasts (which was totally sweet and we loved it!) and the waiters weren't sure what to do so they just kept repeating the song. It repeated throughout the entire restaurant, people! Like 6 times! Don't worry, the waiters were well tipped.

P.S. - The Husband and I may have had a creepy slow dance in our living room to that very Sade song tonight because we are all full of the love 8 months later...but that would be gross to everyone else so we'll pretend it's not true, OK?

P.P.S.- I really, really, almost painfully, love you, my Husband. 8 months down and a lifetime to go!

My Wedding, Part I

2008-08-10T17:49:00.018-05:00

I am having vacation jealousy. My lovely sister has been blogging about her recent honeymoon in Paris and a good friend just had her own destination wedding in Hawaii and it makes me long to go on (yet another) trip myself.

However, after being ridiculously fortunate enough to have traveled to several places in the last few years with the Husband (Europe, Mexico, Honduras, and India to name a few places), it just won't be financially feasible in the near future. So rather than make plans to go somewhere, I'm going to revisit my own wedding/honeymoon trip. I need to learn to appreciate what I have (i.e. memories in this case) rather than always reaching, reaching, reaching for more all American style.

So without further ado, here is the story of my wedding, heavy on the photos.

A Long Story entitled:
Laura and The Husband's Wedding

Choosing a location for your destination wedding is tricky, very tricky. You need to balance so many things. We chose Mexico because it was relatively affordable, close, and the language barrier would be less of an issue than, say, Honduras. We chose all inclusive resorts to keep it simple for both us and our guests - no need to coordinate gatherings at multiple locations, no need to deal with foreign money, and no need to worry about Mr. Montezuma.

We split our trip between two locations: one for our wedding and one for our honeymoon. The first was a family friendly resort: The Grand Palladium in the Riveria Maya, just south of Playa del Carmen. [Beach web cam!] The second was ultra luxurious - a total honeymoon splurge: the El Dorado Resort, also in the Riveria Maya, but this time north of Playa.

So we arrived to the Grand Palladium on Monday, December 3, 2007 with the plan of relaxing and greeting as family and friends arrived for the big day on December 8.

Here is the lobby of the Palladium. So grand! So spacious! Complete with a bar where you can drink to your heart's content! Ah...the pleasures of the all inclusive resort.

There were several pools around the resort, but this was the one closest to the Mayan Suite where Husband and I stayed. (The scandal! Sharing a room before the wedding!!)The beach. Oh so pretty. This is the same view that shown on the web cam.

Another part of the resort. See the white gazebo in the middle background? That's where we held our ceremony.

Close up of the gazebo.
We were the only couple marrying on December 8, 2007, which was surprising since there were several weddings during the week leading up to our wedding. So we were lucky enough to be able to scout out the location of choice for our ceremony and not have to worry about timing it with another couple.

The days prior to the wedding were busy for me, but I still found plenty of time to relax. By Friday night, December 7, everyone had arrived and we had dinner together as a group and then most of us headed out to the karaoke event that the resort held that night. Husband agreed to sing my favorite karaoke duet with me, which you can view/torture yourself with below.

But seriously people, how fun is it to do karaoke the night before your wedding!?

Ok, now on to the actual ceremony. Here is the Husband seeing me for the first time as I stepped out from my hiding place (right by the garbage bins!) and walked down the "aisle" with my parents.
Isn't the Husband deliciously handsome?

We are reading our vows here. We chose to write our own. Actually, we wrote our entire ceremony which was officiated by the Husband's close friend, C. Some moments were happy. And some, which the photo below shows, were tear jerkers.
I can't believe that I was able to contain my cry like that. Normally I'm all waffle chin and snot nosed. Good one, me!

Here we are leaving the gazebo after our first kiss as husband and wife while rose petals are tossed. So happy!

Stay tuned for Part II of My Wedding to be posted tomorrow!

[All images in this post were taken by friends and family or professionals while I was running around being bridal. Pictures 1,2,3, and 5 plus the video were taken by my "brother cousin", aka bro-in-law Dr. Hectic; the 4th photo is from my dear friend Audrey and the last four were taken by Citlalli with Claudia Rodriguez Photography in Mexico.]

8/8/08

2008-08-09T10:24:00.004-05:00

Big sigh of relief, people. The party is over and it went off successfully. But the amount of work we had to do leading up to it? Oh god, it almost killed me. Note to self: Do not plan a party to occur after two extremely busy weekends (Sister's wedding and then 10 year high school reunion) and while in-laws are in town visiting. In my defense, we thought the in-laws were leaving a week earlier and we didn't know what weekend the reunion would take place until after we had started telling people the party would be 8/8/08. So it was a bad timing kind of thing.

In order to get things done in time we have been working around the clock. I have literally had NO TIME for anything lately. We arrived back in Minneapolis from Fargo at 2 pm last Sunday and every spare minute between then and 30 minutes after the party started has been spent cleaning or hanging pictures or painting or hiding ugly things in closets. We stayed up until midnight or 1 am each day and then had to get up and go to work. And of course we both had super busy work weeks on top of it. Inner city pressure , I tell you!

Alright, enough of that. Let's have a "reap the rewards of getting the house uber clean" moment.

The living room with the (mother fu$%in' pain in the ass) framed photos.
Hallway wedding photo decor. Husband feared 5 photos of just us would be too many and would make it look like we were self-obsessed. Then I reminded him that we are self-obsessed and therefore it is an accurate representation. He grumbled some more, but really liked them after I got them hung up.

Next we have the freshly painted bathroom (so fresh that it wasn't done until Thursday!) with new shower curtain, towels, mirror above the bathroom sink, and cabinet hardware. I don't have a before photo of the bathroom, which is too bad because then you can't fully appreciate the ugliness it was before. Basically it was lime green everywhere (including the ceiling!) and we never bothered to buy matching towels or a new shower curtain so the lovely color combo of lime green, wine red, and charcoal with 80's style oak trim would burn your retinas every time you needed to wee. Now my retinas feel soothed by the Caribbean blue walls with chocolate and white accents. Wees are more pleasant now.

There was no time to paint the downstairs bathroom, but we were able to gussy it up with new towels and some framed prints I had hanging in an apartment back in my single girl days. I heart cats!This room used to be where we kept the cats' food and water bottles so it was always a little gross and stinky. We moved those to another room and my mother-in-law was kind enough to give the floor a good scrubbing so now it's presentable to the general public. Speaking of the cats' water bottles...have I ever explained the special needs situation we have going on here? My dear blind Stevie also has a cleft palate which means he cannot drink water in a dish. He needs to have his head tilted up while drinking and years ago my mom suggested trying a ferret water bottle mounted on the wall (like a hamster water bottle, but bigger). It's works great and the crazy thing is that all the other cats happily use it. My kitten started using it when she was a baby (even though I'd give her water in a dish away from Stevie); she had to stand up on her hind legs and wrap her little paws around the spout. SO CUTE. Here's a pic of drinking time in action.

The funny thing is that Midgie now thinks that the bath tub water spout is just another water bottle so she does the same thing she did as a kitten and tries to drink water out of it. It sort of looks like kitty french kissing what with her paws wrapped around the spout and her head turning side to side with her tongue out. Ooh la la!

So I didn't take any actual photos from the party (time, people, no time), which I'm bummed about. I'm especially sad I didn't get a photo of me in my super hot fuchsia party dress. Perhaps I'll dress up tonight and have Husband take a photo? We'll see. Anyway, I took a few photos this morning.

I put together some flower arrangements for the party. Fun fact: I can do flower arranging! I worked at a flower shop that was terribly managed when I was 15. They were so terribly managed that I was left alone in the shop between 5-9 three nights a week which meant people would come in requesting a bouquet be put together and I would have to do it. I had no idea what I was doing and never paid attention to how many flowers I was using so I routinely gave away $100 arrangements for $30. Whatevs. It was fun and now I got some skillz.

I bought easy cheese for the food table. Big hit!

Kitties had to stay quarantined for the party.
I received some wines lovingly picked out just for me. No.8 and Cats! Perfect!

I found this gift on the white board this morning. I like how back in April I referred to this as something my guy friends did back in early college. I guess some things never change. Next time I'm at one of their houses Ms. Camel Toe Sally might have to make an appearance...

OK, officially ending the longest post EVER! All the writing and sharing must have built up over the past few weeks when I haven't had much time to blog.

Seacrest out!

Food of my Past...a Dietitian's Nightmare

2008-08-04T16:52:00.007-05:00

Remember how I wrote all about the food I ate while I was abroad this past spring? And how I like to post pictures of the lovely meals I make at home? And also pictures of the classy food I eat at local fancy pants restaurants?

Well, here comes the food post to top all food posts. May I present...food highlights of Fargo, ND!!! And more specifically, food highlights of my youth as the purpose of the trip was for my 10 year class reunion.

While Husband was driving (see the flatness outside the window as we approach Fargo!)...
and the passengers were passenging (OMG that sounds diiiiirty)...
I had my favorite old school car snack. Old school cause I used to buy it for every road trip between Minneapolis & Fargo in college.
That's right! None other than the All American Beef & Cheese. Mmmmm....it's so all American. But after a couple bites? Blegh. Turns out it's perhaps not my favorite car snack anymore. But of course I ate the whole thing anyway.

Once we got to Fargo, it was time for a tour of my Junior High. Everyday after my mom dropped me off at school, I would walk with my friends to the gas station just down the street, Stop-n-Go, for a delicious 8 AM snack.

Before I show you what I would buy, you should know that the food we ate at home was very, VERY healthy. Lots of vegetables and tofu and things. Honey Nut Cheerios were considered a treat and had to be mixed with regular Cheerios before consuming. Very good intentions on my mother's part, but caused some major rebellion for this wee person. So every morning I would buy one or two of these:
Swiss Cake rolls were my fav. And then guess what I had at lunch EVERY SINGLE DAY in Junior High? Chocolate milk, a chocolate chip cookie, a Handi-Snacks crackers & cheese package with the plastic red stick, and sometimes banana bread. Egads! I kid you not. I couldn't have gotten away with that if I'd been born 15 years later now that parents can look up online everything their kid buys for lunch.

Is your stomach hurting yet from this gastronomic nightmare? You might want to take a TUMS before you see what I'm going to show you next.

Saturday morning I woke up and went to my all time most favorite grocery store: Hornbacher's. The jingle still runs through my head. Lovely. Anyway, I bought my favorite local Fargo items: Cass Clay French Onion Dip, Hornbacher's Bakery Chocolate Chip cookies, Hornbacher's Frosted Sugar Cookie and Mexican Village "Hot Sauce" (weird pureed tomato juiciness that is belovedly called salsa in ND).

It wasn't until I was checking out that I realized my purchases made it appear like I was going on a major binge. Awkward!! I debated between explaining or not explaining and opted to not launch into a detailed explanation of the fact that I'm just in town for the weekend and I can't buy the dip in Minneapolis and they don't expire until November and I plan to only have 1.25 containers per month until then and that I would freeze the chocolate chip cookies, and I was going to share the frosted cookie with my Husband, and that I only buy US Weekly for the trashy gossip not because I'm trying to "get thin fast" and OMFG! You can see why explaining might have made things look worse.

So there you have it. Tis a bit sickening. Let's all eat a salad for lunch today, ok?

Scenes From a Marriage: House Project Edition

2008-08-01T08:58:00.007-05:00

Husband: Will you run upstairs and get the hand pliers? They are in the fourth drawer down.

Wife: (muttering to herself as she walks up the stairs) hand pliers...hand pliers...hand pliers

Wife looks into the fourth drawer down and a look of confusion crosses her face.

Wife: Hmmmm....tricky. Very tricky.

Wife carefully selects four probable tools to present to the Husband.

Husband: (glances at the tools) No, I said the hand pliers. They are like a needlenose pliers, but bigger.

The wife gives the husband a mild withering stare and goes back upstairs and stares into the fourth drawer down again.

The wife selects the only other likely option and goes back downstairs.

Wife: This one?

Husband: No! The hand pliers! (Gives exasperated sigh) I'll go get it myself.

Husband and wife go upstairs together and peer into the fourth drawer down.

Husband: (Quietly) Oh. I see the problem.

The husband shuts the fourth drawer down and goes into the bathroom. He emerges holding a set of pliers.

Husband: I forgot I had left them in there.

Wife: Hiss! Boo!

Husband and wife resume house project, albeit slightly more crabby than when they started.

End Scene.

With the Bad, Comes the Good

2008-07-29T15:46:00.003-05:00

The older brother of my dear high school boyfriend was assaulted last weekend while in Seattle for his work. He was brutally attacked by 5 or 6 men and a punch knocked his head against the sidewalk. He was put into a medically induced coma and given a poor chance for survival. But survive he did. He is now out of his coma, but he is still in rough shape and fighting crippling headaches.

That is, quite clearly, the bad news. Here comes the good news.

The day after the assault occured, S. (my high school boyfriend) set up a Facebook Group for his brother. The response has been overwhelming and touching to see. Seemingly over night 250 people joined the group. I check back every few hours to see more people joining and leaving comments.

The internet has a power that letter writing and oral communication can never achieve. Of course, there is something sweet about handwritten letters or communication through one-on-one conversations. News and well wishes can certainly be passed that way. But that takes time, a luxury you don't always have in critical situations. As D. has been starting the long, slow road to recovery (the doctors are estimating it will take 1-2 years), his famly is reading him the messages that have been flooding into that Facebook Group. And they're not just from current friends. They are coming from people like me, who haven't seen D. in many years, but still care deeply. I have to think that being able to know so quickly that 250+ people are rooting for you can be a powerful motivator for recovery. I hope so, anyway.

D. and S. are a part of a close knit family that have managed to touch a lot of people over the years. Their love for each other is palpable. Back in high school I experienced it as overwhelming, what with being the first girlfriend of the youngest child in that family. But I'm so glad now that D.'s family is like that. He needs to be overwhelmed with love right now.

If you have any spare positive thoughts will you send them D.'s way? Email me if you would like the link to D.'s Facebook Group.

Someone With Whom To Share a Life of Cats

2008-07-27T17:12:00.004-05:00

My older sister was married this weekend.
Susie Cupcakes married Dr. Hectic in a sweet little ceremony performed by none other than my Husband. Yes, dear Readers, my Husband is an ordained minister. Not because he is religious and attended ministry school. No, it's more of a Joey from Friends style of becoming ordained. Good old Church of Universal Life at www.ulc.net. This wedding was his 7th or 8th ceremony. He does a wonderful job, which is why I'm sure he will continue to be asked to do other ceremonies.

The weekend went off without much of a hitch. Of course, minor incidentals occurred: our house alarm was set off and the police were called, the steamer didn't work so we were all a touch wrinkly, my vegetarian sister was served chicken rather than the sea bass for dinner on her wedding night making it the first time she's had a bite of chicken since the late 90s, and there were some technical difficulties with getting the music started. Oh - and I had snot drip straight out of my nose and on to my chest during the ceremony because my hands were full of my bouquet and my sister's bouquet during their vows [plop!]. But none of that mattered in the end.

Because in the end it was a weekend of happy memories: librarian friends laughing together, my extended family spending time together for the first time since my grandfather's funeral last summer, watching my parents glow as they fall in love with each other all over again, and seeing my sister and her husband exhausted but deeply content as we drove them to their hotel after the dancing ended. I was a part of helping my sister pull off the biggest and best day of her life so far and I was glad to be there for her and for my new brother-in-law. Or, as I call him, my brother-cousin. A term my Husband and I took from our visit to India 3 years ago, which in my heart and head conveys someone much closer than a brother-in-law. It's family and mine grows bigger and richer with the years.

I will finish this post with a montage of awkward dancing by yours truly. I took my MOH (maid of honor for those not intimately familiar with the knot.com) duties very seriously which included dancing it up for the most of the night in an effort to get others on the dance floor. As the night wore on and the wine kept flowing, I also encouraged others including one of the BMs (bridesmaid, people!) and my brother to "showboat". This involved dancing big and well, showboat-style, in an effort to make others feel like there is no way they would look that ridiculous on the dance floor so they might as well give it a go. Showboating wasn't required for every song, but some songs just weren't going over as well as expected. So one could consider showboating to be the dancing version of taking one for the team. Plus it's fun to come up with ways that one might showboat on the dance floor. Large grape vining across the floor? Check. John Travolta style pointing to the sky with hip cocked? Check. Furious tap dancing with spins? Check. Shimmy-Shammying with fist pumps? Triple Check. Good thing I just watched Step Up 2 last week. Take a look.

Congrats again, V & A!